


Dread Rites

by InkAtHeart



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Complete, M/M, Reversing Tranquility, Tranquil!Dorian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-12 18:12:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5675698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkAtHeart/pseuds/InkAtHeart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a trip to the Storm Coast goes horribly awry, The Iron Bull is forced to search for a way to keep himself sane while trying to find a cure for Dorian.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Magic was something that The Iron Bull never pretended to understand. He had always been taught to fear magic, told that it needed to be controlled or eradicated. To him it seemed unnatural for a mortal to hold that much power in the palm of their hand. And then he discovered that Time Magic was possible, and that thought was even more terrifying. And yet there was Dorian.

Powerful and tempered like a finely crafted blade, he wove through life with a distinct balance of beauty and ferocity that was unparalleled by anyone that The Iron Bull had met before. He didn't use magic so much as he commanded it with an iron fist and the solid strike of his staff. The Bull learned that Dorian was not someone to fear because he was a mage, but someone to respect because he was an incarnation of things the Qunari didn't understand.

The Bull would never admit to the flowery things that crossed his mind when it came to the mage; the things Cole started to utter at the most inopportune moments until he was stopped. Dorian was like a mixture of lightning and fire. He was fast and vibrant, powerful and loud, all-consuming and blazing. He gave off light that could carry anyone through darkness, but could dim just as quickly, his flame could be hampered with enough rain. But altogether, Dorian was stunning.

Holding onto the mage was a challenge both physically and emotionally, despite their size difference. He felt with all of his being, guarded at first but then with enough coaxing, he would show things that The Bull had seen in no other intelligent being.

Dorian was raw.

The Bull was often reserved when not in the heat of battle. He always tried to smile to show everyone he wasn't a threat, he tried not to move too quickly or speak too loudly. People weren't used to Qunari this far south.

But Dorian was someone who was easy to read because his emotions were written all over him, though it made him no less dangerous. He was passion and heat and power, a force so strong that The Bull couldn't help being drawn in and swept away by the sheer essence that was Dorian Pavus.

Then, suddenly, it all changed.

Dorian hated the Storm Coast. He was very vocal about that every opportunity he got. It was too cold. It was too wet. There were rocks in his shoes. Let's not fight the dragon because he would rather not be digested.

It had been a trying day though, the wind and rain stronger than usual. The Bull slipped on a rock and landed on his bad knee, causing a slight limp as he walked. There had been almost nothing to fight save for a stray bandit. But Varric insisted that there was Red Lyrium to find there, and Dorian's sense for magic was the best bet they had to find the stores in Daerwyn's Mouth.

They had to get there first.

Even Bull was cold as the winds howled and the rain battered their skin. It was all wearing on their nerves. As they were looking for a place to make camp, a particularly large swell hit all of them, knocking them off their feet. An errant sound drew Bull's attention to Thidran Adaar as he tried to grab for his soaked bag that was being dragged away by the waves.

The sea claimed the bag, and with it their rations.

By the time they found a place for camp, tempers were thin.

"Ugh," Dorian huffed as he squirmed and pulled a particularly long piece of seaweed out of his tunic, throwing it aside, "I don't know why I let you talk me into coming here."

"Shut up Dorian," The Bull snapped before he could get a hold on his words, the phrase having been sitting on his tongue all day after each of his gripes, "Nobody wants to hear it."

The Bull's gaze locked with Dorian's and he watched the emotions pass over his face. Shock, confusion, anger, then hurt. He looked to Thidran and Varric for support, but neither of them seemed willing to give it, both of them giving the mage a silent glance before going back to their duties.

The hurt magnified for a moment before he masked it behind contempt and anger, frowning hard, "Fine!" He growled, grabbing his staff as he walked towards the trees.

"Where are you going?" The Bull huffed, moving to follow.

"To get us food." Came the snappish reply, staff pointing dangerously at his partner with a look of fire in his eyes, "You three set up so you don't have to listen to me." He turned and stormed off. For anyone else, the Bull would be concerned, but Dorian was strong enough to handle himself and they had seen no signs of trouble throughout the cloudy day.

After a few minutes of blessed silence, Thidran sighed and looked over, "Should we go after him?"

"Nah, let 'em cool off." The Bull gruffed as he hammered in the last peg of his and Dorian's shared tent. He figured once they were both warm and dry, the Qunari would apologize for his words.

Without Dorian, getting a fire started was impossible. The three adventurers took some time to rest in their tents while awaiting the mage's return.

And waited...

When the sky was getting dark and the winds started picking up, The Bull came out of the tent and looked around with concern. It had easily been almost two hours since Dorian had left, and as if sensing The Bull's concern, Thidran appeared from his tent as well.

Thidran walked over to Varric's tent and pushed the flap open, the dwarf appearing a moment later. "Sparkler still not back?" He asked, eyes going to The Bull with a mixed look of concern and wariness. "Shouldn't have let him go alone."

"I'm sure he's fine." Thidran said, trying to keep nerves from flaring, "He does like to be dramatic."

"He also likes to be warm." The Bull reminded them with a heavy frown. He grabbed his axe, Thidran his hammer, and Varric his crossbow. There was nothing at the camp worth staying behind to defend with their food gone, and the three turned to the forests to look for their strayed mage.

It was hard to see in the shadows of the forests, and the rain and storm made it impossible to track anything. The Bull pushed ahead, his agitation growing by the minute.

The winds picked up to a violent screech, the rain turning to ice against the skin. They had searched for nearly an hour before it was too dark to see and the storm was only getting worse. He hoped that Dorian had taken refuge somewhere and that Thidran was right and he was just being theatrical.

A hand grabbed his arm firmly, spinning The Bull around to see the pair behind him, "Bull, we have to go back." Thidran yelled over the howl of the storm.

The Qunari shook his head, "Not until I find Dorian!" he called back, but Thidran didn't let go.

"We can't split up again, Bull. We have to go back!" The Inquisitor must have seen something defiant in Bull's face because a moment later he added, "That's an order!"

Dorian was still out in the woods somewhere, probably cold. The Bull was torn between his loyalty to Thidran and his concern for his lover. However the decision was made for him when a furious bolt of lightning crashed down, sending a large tree branch to the ground not twenty feet from them all.

The three were forced to call off their search, and by the time they returned to their camp the tents had all been blown down, most of the parts missing. They had to find more suitable shelter for the storm. From his vantage point, The Bull could see the waves becoming more violent.

"The cave!" Varric yelled over the rush of nature, pointing to the mountainous dwarven cave down the coast.

What if Dorian came back to the ruined camp? He wouldn't know where to find any of them. But once again, Thidran was grabbing Bull, "We'll search for him there." The Inquisitor called firmly, pulling The Bull away from the camp.

Worry was mounting as feelings of ill swarmed him. He should never have let the mage run off alone, he should have gone with him regardless of empty threats and idle griping.

They battled the winds and rain as they made their way to Daerwyn's Mouth, stopped by a solid door that Thidran and The Bull bashed down before stepping inside. Immediately the rain ceased against their skin, the howling of the wind turned to echoed cries and all three of the adventurers relaxed marginally as they took a moment to catch their breath.

It didn't take The Bull more than a moment to take in the long passageway, lit with torches and void of life. "Hey Varric," he looked down to the Dwarf with a heavy frown, "This is where the Red Templars are supposed to be isn't it?"

Varric looked up and surveyed the area quickly before he nodded, "Yeah, why?"

"Where are they?" The Bull asked grimly. Breaking down the door couldn't have been quiet, there should have been guards of some sort. He gripped his axe tighter and watched the shadows, expecting and perhaps wanting their assailants to show up and greet them.

Thidran shifted heavily from foot to foot as he caught on to The Bull's worry, "We push forward." He decided firmly, "If there's a chance Dorian is here, we need to find him, quickly."

The Bull didn't need to be told twice. He started down the narrow passage and it opened up into a larger area still devoid of life save for signs. There were shards of Red Lyrium scattered against the walls, evidence of people, and a fire still blazing in its hearth. The Dwarven Ruins were well lived-in, the fortifications clearly having housed them for a while.

They split up wordlessly, keeping to the immediate area as they searched through the space for signs of their lost mage until a sound shattered the silence.

A scream. The primal sound of agony and desperation, male, and _very_ familiar.

The three jumped and started running quickly towards the sound. The Bull's heart was crashing in his ears as he charged with all of the single-minded focus of the beast he named himself after.

The first Red Templars met them at the entrance to a side-passage, one that could have been easily overlooked, but The Bull took the sign and rushed each of them head on despite Thidran's calls. Two lost their heads, a knife caught The Bull in the arm but in a flash of movement the man was cut clean in two. The knife was yanked out and found a new home in the throat of another, the song of battle blinding him to all but his destination.

More Red Templars came, their intent clearly to buy time. They were bodies that kept The Bull from his mage whose cries had fallen silent.

A door on the left seemed to be what the men were guarding, and by the time The Bull reached it he was painted in gore from the slain Templars. But the door was closed, and no matter how The Bull shoved and tried, it didn't want to budge. He swung his axe and succeeded only in driving scars into the stone.

"Bull, you're not gonna bust down that door, we have to find another way!" Varric yelled, trying to get through The Bull's panicked haze.

Thidran grabbed his friends shoulder, pulling him away bodily, "Varric's right. We'll have to look for-"

Without being touched, the sound of a click on the other side was all the preamble they got before the heavy thing gave in and pushed open. The Bull quickly shoved past Thidran and shouldered the door open the rest of the way, prepared for more bloodshed on the other side.

The room was wide open and damp, with Red Lyrium columns forming along the walls and a large bloody sigil painted on the floor. It looked like a summoning room, completely empty save for...

"Dorian!" The Bull's axe fell as he ran across the space and dropped to one knee beside the fallen mage who lay crumpled in the middle of the sigil. A quick hand to the man's pulse-point revealed that he was alive, a hand in front of his mouth that he was breathing. There didn't appear to be any blood or noticeable injury on the man himself but something was assuredly wrong.

The Bull moved to gather Dorian up into his arms, ignoring the words of warning behind him. The mage was entirely limp and cool, but as his head lolled so that The Bull could see his face, his heart sank.

"Oh no..." Thidran breathed when he came to stand behind the pair.

"Shit..." was Varric's response.

Dorian Pavus seemed entirely unharmed, the only difference showing was the sunburst brand on his forehead.

The Bull refused to let his mage go for even an instant. His heart never stopped racing, his panic never ebbed, and Dorian didn't wake. They carried him back to Skyhold, ignoring the looks of worry from the scouts as they passed.

When they reached their destination, Cullen saw their procession was one man short and immediately approached. He caught sight of Dorian wrapped in Bull's arms, and a moment later it was obvious that he caught sight of the brand. "Maker's Breath..." he gasped, lips turning to a frown before he turned and addressed the nearest soldier, "Go get Fiona, Solas, Vivienne, and Cassandra to the War Room, _NOW."_ He barked, then turned back to the others, "Get him to a healer."

"It'll do no good, Blondie." Varric sighed sadly.

Cullen didn't look convinced, "What happened?"

Thidran looked to Bull, then to Cullen, "We'll explain everything when we get to the War Room. Will you two give us a moment?" He nodded to Varric and Cullen who both didn't look happy about walking away.

The Bull felt numb. He had hardly said a word since they left Daerwyn's Mouth, and neither Thidran nor Varric had tried to make him. But now he looked up at his friend who stared back at him with a mournful gaze, "We're going to need you there, Bull."

"Dorian needs me more." He snapped quickly.

"I know he does. There's no sense leaving him with the healers, we already know he hasn't suffered any physical damage." He looked over the prone mage in The Bull's arms with guilt, "Would you rather have your Chargers look after him while we speak with the others?"

It was the right thing to ask, the right words. Thidran had a gift for always knowing exactly what to say. "Yeah... Krem can keep watch." He gave in, shoulders slumping. Krem was perhaps the only person who he trusted to look after Dorian in such a state.

When The Bull found Krem a few minutes later, he was rewarded with a look of surprise, then shock, then sadness. He agreed to watch the mage up in The Bull's room and followed the man up. He settled Dorian down in their shared bed and found himself staring at the sunburst brand...

"We'll figure this out, Chief." Krem said from beside The Bull, nudging his arm gently, "He ain't dead, we'll get 'em back to normal in no time."

The Bull took a deep breath and nodded, "You're right." He said firmly.

"Horns up. They're expecting you. We'll be here when you get back."

Everyone gathered in the War Room listened to the retelling of what happened at the Storm Coast. Faces were kept neutral and schooled, and opinions were thankfully kept inward, even if The Bull saw them cross the other faces. Many of them were thinking the same thing he was.

Why had he let Dorian go off alone?

When the retelling was over, the room fell deathly silent for a long minute, stretching The Bull's patience thin before Thidran finally spoke up in a firm tone, "Cassandra, Cullen. You two know more about this than any of us. What can you tell us?"

The two exchanged looks before Cassandra spoke up, "The Tranquil are mages who have gone through the Rite of Tranquility. This act breaks their connection to the Fade, making it impossible for them to conjure magic of any form. This has the side effect of...removing all emotion. It makes them unappealing to demons." She took a breath, eyes turning down to the maps on the table so she didn't have to watch the faces around her, shockingly submissive for the Seeker, "The Rite is not one used lightly in any sense. Only mages who are extremely dangerous, or those who willingly come to the Chantry and ask for it, are even considered for such a thing. It requires permissions from a great many before it is performed. Many would rather ask for death."

Cullen spoke next, filling what would have been the gap left by the Seeker, "Because it's used so sparingly, and only in cases of absolute necessity, we aren't aware of any way to reverse the Rite."

"So that means there could be a chance." Thidran broke in, "If a method of breaking the Tranquility is out there, it just hasn't been found."

"You will have to speak with the Templars and the Chantry. They may know something more." Cassandra said.

Solas cleared his throat, attention turning to him, "You said you found Dorian in a sigil?" He asked evenly, "Can any of you recall it? It may give us some indication."

"The only symbol needed for the Rite is that of the Chantry." Cassandra said.

"Well that sure as hell wasn't it. But I scribbled it down as best I could before we left." That was Varric, as he fished a parchment out of his jacket. It was water stained, but as he unrolled it, the basic image was still intact as he laid it down and showed it to the mages.

Solas's frown stretched his face darkly, "That's a summoning sigil to be sure. And if it was in blood, as you say, my guess is that they were trying to summon a demon."

"And that turned him Tranquil?" Varric asked.

"No. Knowing Dorian, he was able to reject the demon. Any strong mage would." It gave The Bull a small swell of pride to hear that, to know Dorian was indeed that strong. Solas continued, "It is only a guess...but my assumption is that they were attempting to force a possession, and when it failed, they performed the Rite to render Dorian useless to the Inquisition."

Thidran frowned, parsing his next question very carefully before asking, "They wouldn't simply kill him?"

"There are fates worse than death, my dear." Vivienne's voice was calm and her head held high as ever. She was watching The Bull with an unreadable expression, "And I'm sure they knew it would mean that the Inquisition would waste time, resources, and favors to try and return Dorian to his original state."

The Bull frowned hard, "What're you suggesting?"

"Trust me, Dorian is the only one among us with any sense of fashion." She eyed Solas critically, "I am not suggesting we do nothing. Only that we keep our focus on Corypheus before-"

The Qunari huffed and snarled in the same breath, but the woman didn't flinch even slightly.

"It is the fate of Thedas versus the fate of one mage." She pressed, her voice becoming iron with only the slightest shift in tone, "Dorian is very much alive, and we can keep him that way here in Skyhold."

Thidran broke in before The Bull decided to break something, "With all due respect, Vivienne. I would at least like to look into our options before we hold off on fixing one of our own."

"Of course."

The room was silent for a moment, The Bull itched to do something. Anything. He wanted to break something.

Cullen spoke up, "I will send some of my men to the Chantries in search of anything that could prove useful." He said.

"And I wish to look at Dorian personally." Solas said, "Once he is awake. I want to see what he remembers."

Thidran nodded firmly, "Then there is not much else we can do right now. We will explore every possible outlet without hindering the end goal of the Inquisition. If anyone comes up with anything, anything at all, come to me." He glanced to the side, giving The Bull a knowing look, "And I will let you know of any changes as soon as possible."

It wasn't much of a consolation. Nothing was being done but a lot of _talking._ He didn't realize his thought wasn't a private one until he saw the eyes on him. He growled and let himself continue, "How the hell could they even perform the Rite anyway?!"

"That's a fair question." Thidran agreed, looking to Cullen and Cassandra.

The Seeker spoke calmly, "It isn't surprising. Look at their name alone, they're Red Templars. Not all of them have lost their minds, it's very possible some of them would remember how to perform the Rite."

"But to be fair," Cullen interjected, "They would have needed at least one Knight-Lieutenant or stronger to perform the Rite. That narrows the list down considerably."

"Cullen is right. Any Templar can assist in the Rite, but it takes a powerful one to perform it. You said you found the chamber empty when you went inside?" Cassandra added.

"Yeah." Varric spoke up, "It's possible there was a hidden passage way we overlooked. I can't say we were climbing over ourselves to figure out where anyone else had gone."

The woman nodded, "Still, the amount of Templars who know how to lead the Rite can be counted on two hands. And the ones who defected from the Templar order on one. At the very least, it's a start."

It gave The Bull something to look towards. Revenge. If they could find who did such a thing to Dorian, he would show that Templar what a Ben-Hassrath was truly capable of.

"Does anyone have anything to add?" Thidran asked, eyes scanning the room. He sighed, the sound revealing exhaustion and worry, "Very well then, you're all excused." He nodded and turned, the organization of the room breaking slowly as everyone filtered for the door.

The Bull would have been the first out, but Thidran's presence held him there for a moment after everyone left, "You should get some rest, Boss." He said in a sigh, "We're all exhausted."

"You should as well." Came the easy counter.

They both knew that wasn't going to happen with Dorian in the state that he was. Regardless, he nodded and followed the rest of the occupants of the War Room out of the door and into Skyhold proper. He moved straight for the courtyard, taking the steps up to the ramparts two at a time before he shoved the door to his room open.

Krem stood at the foot of the wide bed with his arms folded and a pinched look on his face. Dorian had woken up during the time they had been in the War Room, and was sitting up against the headboard with a piece of bread that he seemed to be chewing on, staring blankly at the sheets at his feet.

The Bull's chest tightened uncomfortably as he exchanged a look with Krem. His Lieutenant spoke up, "He woke up about ten minutes ago, Chief. Said he was hungry and thirsty, hasn't said anything beyond that though."

The Bull approached the bed slowly, as if scared of what he might find, "Dorian?"

The man turned his head to look up at Bull, his eyes half-lidded as he chewed on his piece of bread. "Were you in need of something, Iron Bull?" He asked, his voice eerily flat and his face void of anything even resembling emotion.

His own heart broke in his chest and before he collapsed to his knees he found himself dropping heavily into a chair that groaned in protest. "No I... How are you feeling?"

Dorian blinked owlishly, "I feel fine. Cremasius refused to let me out of bed however. Am I to believe there is something wrong?"

Everything, The Bull's mind screamed. Everything was wrong. "Do you remember what happened? What's the last thing you remember?"

"You, sitting here in front of me not a second ago." Came the automatic response that had The Bull covering his face with his hand.

He cleared his throat and chose his words carefully, "I mean, what's the last thing you remember before waking up in here a few minutes ago."

There was a long moment of consideration as Dorian silently recalled the events, and The Bull took note of how the man wasn't stroking his mustache or biting his lip like he normally would when pondering. "I was chasing a deer for food to return to the camp. Nothing after that."

The Bull absently wondered if his mind had been wiped, or if the events were too traumatic for his brain to want to recall. He filed that thought away to consider later and took a deep, calming breath, "Dorian? You were captured by Red Templars. Do you remember that at all?"

The mage shook his head, "I told you what I recall."

"I know you did." The Bull reached out in a desire to touch and comfort, his hand stopping when he remembered that his actions would not be appreciated. He took another breath, glanced over and saw that Krem had gone to the far corner of the room to offer his presence and keep from being invasive. "They made... They... They hurt you. I wasn't there to protect you, and they hurt you."

Dorian seemed to consider this with an unwavering blank gaze, "I do not seem harmed."

"They made you Tranquil, Dorian." He said quickly, his tone coming out snappish and irritated; and he was irritated, angry...because the mage couldn't be.

"Oh..." There was a pause, and The Bull silently regarded, "That does seem unfortunate."

The Bull's entire body went tense and rigid with upset, because that was the best Dorian could muster about his situation. "We're going to get you back to normal, alright? Thidran and I already started making the arrangements. Everything will be alright." He couldn't tell if he was trying to comfort Dorian...or himself.

"The Inquisition needs to worry about Corypheus." Dorian spoke, his voice even.

"The _Inquisition_ needs to worry about Corypheus, but _I'm_ going to worry about _you._ " The Bull growled, "That's how it's going to be."

"Very well." Came the same, even response that made The Bull want to stand and punch the nearest wall until he couldn't feel his hand. He wanted to see some spark of emotion or life in his lover's eyes, but everything about him seemed dulled and gray.

He had been taught all of his life that Tal'vashoth was _true gray_ , that his turning from the Qun would forever be the worst thing that happened in his life. He would be without purpose. Yet as he looked into Dorian's unblinking eyes he realized that this was true gray, his lover staring at him without love or anger, without joy or sadness.

"We're going to fix you, Dorian. I promise." The Bull swore suddenly, reaching out. The man didn't flinch of react as his face was taken in a gentle hand, turned enough that they could share a one-sided kiss before The Bull was standing and letting his hand drop to his side.

Krem followed his leader as they left Dorian to rest.

 


	2. Chapter 2

_The Iron Bull remembered their first kiss rather fondly. He already knew what he liked about the Vint, and he enjoyed stoking the fires that lit up his eyes. The Bull liked to push, was always curious to see how far he could get before he was inevitably burned._

_Dorian liked to drink, it was a habit that The Bull saw borne from something old and dark. Something that would sometimes turn the mage's eyes somber when he realized he'd had one too many and set the bottle aside as if guilty. Of course these things didn't make him any less of a fun drunk - he was as loud and animated and fiery as ever._

_There was a window there, between the fun Dorian and the sad one. The Bull enjoyed that space of lucidity, what he liked to call Honest Dorian._

_The Bull had to be careful though, because Honest Dorian didn't come out in public. It wasn't a sight beheld within the taverns, but one that could be seen while they were out with Thidran doing Inquisition work._

_That night everyone was exhausted, but not quite tired yet. The Bull made their dinner, Varric was spinning one of his many yarns, Thidran supplied the drink, and Dorian was keeping the fire going without the need to find more firewood. The air was light and companionable, bodies relaxed with alcohol and a good day's work._

_"You know, I had a pony once. My father got me one as a boy to help me learn how to ride." And there it was, Honest Dorian coming out of his hiding place with one of those charming smiles. He was speaking in reference to one of Varric's stories. "Mean little bastard. Broke my toe." He huffed unpleasantly._

_The Bull decided to prod, "Probably didn't like the golden bridle."_

_"Are you saying I was spoiled?" the mage huffed, lips turning down in something that wasn't quite a frown. No, a pout perhaps, one that made his eyes stand out against the firelight._

_"Were you?" The Bull countered easily, a smirk pulling unbidden at his lips. He saw the sideways glance he got from Thidran._

_Dorian let out a disgruntled sound, "I was Halward's only child, his greatest creation. Of course he spoiled me!" There was something longing in the man's eyes now, the subject needed changing._

_"Is that the reason you're a little rebel?" the Qunari prodded, "Wanting after a pair of big, strapping Qunari?"_

_The man sputtered and huffed, "I beg your pardon?"_

_"Oh I bet you like to beg." The Bull rumbled, his voice dropping into a growl that originated from somewhere deep in his chest, "I see your wandering eyes, mage. The only thing you lack is the courage to ask."_

_Dorian's eyes were wide and scandalized, and Thidran looked equally perturbed. Varric just seemed overly amused by the whole thing._

_"You think I would ask, Bull?" The incredulous look faded to something more primal, eyes narrowed and lips split into something ankin to a grin, but the flash of teeth was predatory, "I don't ask or beg. When I want something, I_ take _it."_

_The mage knew how to stoke more than just the campfire._

_"Then take it, Vint."_

_That primal look faded to something more smug, "I told you, Bull. I take it if I_ want _it." He lifted his ale to his lips and took a triumphant pull as The Bull's possessive side made his skin sit too tight on his muscles._

_Varric was laughing, breaking the spell between them, "You sure told him, Sparkler!"_

_Thidran sighed and shook his head, but he wore his own tired smile. He finished off his drink and set it aside, "Bull, will you take first watch?" He asked kindly as he stood from his place by the fire._

_"Sure thing, Boss." He nodded readily. Thidran had taken first watch the night before, and deserved a full night's sleep._

_Varric was still chuckling, but he too stood and stretched, "I'll get second watch then. I'm sure Sparkler wants his beauty sleep."_

_"As if I_ need _beauty sleep. But I'll never pass up more of it." The mage also finished off his drink, but made no move to get up yet. He nodded as Thidran and Varric retired to their tents._

_No sooner had the flap on Varric's tent closed, The Bull turned to look back at the fire only to find himself with a lapful of Vint, sure hands gripping his horns, and in the next instant, he was being kissed._

_Of course it wasn't the innocent kiss of virgin, nor the salacious kiss of a veteran barmaid. It was something aggressive, fiery, and all consuming. Dorian demanded The Bull's entire attention, and even with a considerably smaller body managed to get the Qunari pushed back until he had to use an elbow for support, the other hand having come up to grip Dorian's hip to hang on to something._

_A tongue slid across The Bull's lips, and when he didn't open fast enough he was met with rough teeth biting down with force that sent arcs of electricity down his back. The hands on his horns were angling him exactly how Dorian wanted, and soon enough there was very little of The Bull that wasn't being invaded by the Vint in his lap._

_He heard the sound of black painted nails scraping across the grain of his horns, but one hand relented, slid down and smoothed across one of The Bull's ears and started_ massaging _it with precise fingers. It drew the most helpless, wanton sound from deep within his chest and he felt Dorian's triumphant grin against his lips. That didn't mean he stopped however, pressing in further, demanding more. Another bite, a tug on his ear, The Bull's mind was swimming with sensations pulled in every direction._

_Dorian had pulled himself up to The Bull's stomach to keep better balance, and neither of them got any friction though he could feel the human's erection pressed against him._

_When the mage finally deigned to pull away from their kiss with a wet sound, The Bull let his head drop back because he had to admit that was the first time he'd ever been kissed within an inch of his life. He really hoped it wouldn't be the last. Above him, Dorian sat smug and oh so pretty, his lips pulled in that predator's grin as he surveyed his own work._

_However a moment later, Dorian's eyes glanced to the side as he caught something. The Bull followed that gaze and saw Varric standing in front of Thidran's tent, the other Qunari's head sticking out as they had both seemed to catch the show with amusement._

_Defiance laced the mage's features, but the grin didn't fade. He stood up and stepped off of The Bull, sauntering towards his tent with swaying hips, as if he knew The Bull couldn't keep his eyes off that fine display of ass._

To The Iron Bull, it was eerie how things had changed by not changing at all. Dorian spent most of his days up in Skyhold's library, settled in his usual chair, a book open in his lap and notes settled on the arm. To an outsider there didn't seem to be much difference - but those who knew the mage saw everything.

He was no longer distracted by the window or caught hiding smutty novels in the cleft of his dry tomes. He was silent and calculating, actually getting work done instead of griping about the Library's selection.

It was painful to watch, but the real surprise came after the second night. The Bull had barely slept at all since the incident at the Storm Coast, so when his bedroom door opened that night he was alert and ready to face whatever was barging in on his space. He hadn't expected to see Dorian coming to settle on the edge of the bed like he used to do every night before. The Bull sat there frozen for a long moment at the mage went about unlacing his boots, "Uhh, Dorian?"

The man looked up, blinking slowly at The Bull, "Yes?"

He was confused honestly. "What're you...doing?"

"This is where we sleep." Came the automatic reply, and it brought some small semblance of peace that even now, Dorian came to his side. But the emotionless shell was disturbing, "This is where I have slept for months."

The Bull swallowed, sitting up carefully. Dorian set his boots aside and looked over to The Bull, and he wanted to see confusion or curiosity but he saw none of that. If he asked the man to leave, he would have and wouldn't be hurt from the request.

He was hardly aware of reaching out to pull Dorian into his arms, cradling him as he had done on their venture back from the Coast. He wanted to feel to press of the man's face against his skin, but the mage just sat quiet and compliant in his arms. "You're right." The Bull finally said, "This is your bed as much as mine."

Silence filled the space around them, then was replaced by an awkwardness that only The Bull felt because Dorian would be entirely oblivious to it. After a few moments, however, the man began to squirm in the Qunari's hold, "I am quite tired."

"Oh... Yeah." He let Dorian go and watched him work his way beneath the sheets, curling on his side nested in the pillow. Normally the man demanded to be in a nest of pillows on all sides save for The Bull on one. He liked to feel surrounded, protected, warm.

It was as if things were still the same and yet everything was so achingly different.

_The Bull remembered the first and only time he saw Dorian cry. It had been a quiet night in Skyhold, and nothing seemed at all out of the ordinary as The Bull made his way from the tavern, late as he always did only to notice the one thing out of place. It was something small, that only his Ben-Hassrath training picked up as he took note of one extra light from Skyhold's rookery, one so very uncommon for the time of night._

_Dorian must have been on a kick - he had those sometimes. He would spend all night working if someone didn't tell him to stop. It usually involved getting a new book of some sort, but it didn't really matter. The Bull would find the mage and pull him from his work, offer him a bed for the night..._

_However when he reached the top of the steps into the Inquisition's library he paused. Instead of finding the mage with his head buried in books, he saw him leaning against the wall into his little nook, shoulders and arms pulled in as if to make himself smaller. There was something pained in the air._

_Normally The Bull's curiosity would have him approach in silence for a closer look, but Dorian appeared to be woolgathering about something, easily startled, and a startled mage meant errant spells. So as he approached, he let his feet drag on the flagstone, announcing his presence just enough that Dorian's eyes turned away from the window._

_The Bull stopped when he saw those normally bright eyes dulled with grief, glassy with restrained emotion. They stared at each other, unsure of what to say before Dorian turned his attention back to the closed window, "Did you need something?"_

_"Saw the light on. Figured you were balls deep in some boring book." The Bull admitted with a shrug, daring to take a step forward. Their relationship was still as it had been during their first kiss, spontaneous and furious, and whatever fleeting moments they had together were over as quickly as they began._

_The mage let out a huff through his nose, "As charming as always but no." He said firmly, his tone indicating he wanted the Qunari to leave. When he didn't, the tension in the air grew before it suddenly deflated with the sinking of Dorian's shoulders, "I got a letter today. You met Felix briefly, yes?" He didn't leave room for an answer, "The letter was regarding him, and how he went before the Magisterium. He spoke of our dear Inquisitor, a glowing testimonial. Everyone back home is talking - Felix always was as good as his word."_

_The Bull remembered Felix, and more specifically he recalled the state of health the young man had been in when they parted ways. He knew already why there was a darkness in Dorian's eyes._

_"The Blight caught up with him, however. He's dead." He said the word with no sugar or ease to himself, none of his usual flowery poetics. The news had hit the words out of him it seemed. However when The Bull opened his mouth the mage turned a gaze sharpened like the fine edge of a knife on him, "If the words on your tongue are 'I'm sorry' then leave."_

_He closed his mouth and sighed, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. He had never been good at giving comfort - outside of the bedroom at least. He had a feeling that trying that route was a good way to get himself burned by a very pissy mage. "Why're you mourning?" The Bull asked, deciding to be as blunt as Dorian felt in that moment._

_The mage's gaze was wary and perhaps a touch disgusted._

_"Felix was dying. We both knew it. Now he's not in pain anymore." He folded his arms over his chest and the edge of Dorian's glare softened as he looked away again, "On top of that, he made a good impression. On you, in Tevinter it seems, even his father was ready to rip apart Thedas in the hopes of fixing him. The way I see it, there's nothing to mourn. Celebrate his life."_

_For a moment that seemed to work, but then Dorian slowly began to tense up again, his arms folding over his chest defensively, "He was my friend. I will mourn, damnit I will grieve his loss because he was my only-" He cinched his jaw, "I would like to be left alone, Bull. I appreciate the attempt but..."_

_"Were you gonna say he was your only friend?" The Bull asked, keeping the insulted growl from his voice because the mage didn't need his anger in that moment._

_Silence filled the space between them for a long moment while Dorian chose his words with the same consideration he showed in a game of chess, "I was... But that isn't true. But he_ was _my only friend from Tevinter. The only one I could properly trust at any rate. When I was studying late at night under his father's roof he would sneak me treats from the kitchen. 'Don't get in trouble on my account.' I would tell him, 'I like trouble.' Was his reply." A sad smile touched the corners of his lips._

_Dorian was lonely. The love he had for his country was darkened by the loss of one of the only people which he saw as good._

_The Bull stepped forward and wrapped a gentle hand around a slim shoulder, the one left exposed by his clothing. He couldn't think of anything to say that would lift the man's spirit, wasn't sure there was anything that could do that. But at least he could offer a buffer against the loneliness he refused to let swallow the mage. He could do that much, at least._

_Very slowly the mage relaxed back against The Bull's chest, while the hand that had been on his shoulder adjusted and came down to hold around his chest, resting on a sun-painted forearm. No words were exchanged, but the hostility was gone from the air and the fight drained from the mage resting against him. The only thing that pulled them both from their thoughts was when something wet slid down The Bull's forearm. He glanced down just in time to catch sight of another tear hitting his skin._

_"Ugh..." Dorian said, his voice thin, "Apologies. I should..." He tried to pull away, to hide away his exposure but The Bull wouldn't let him. "Bull..."_

_"You're alright." He soothed, tightening his hold just slightly, "I'm not gonna tell anyone."_

_"It's not about you telling anyone, it's not becoming of me to..."_

_"Have emotion?" The Bull scoffed, his hand loosening up enough so that he could straighten and turn Dorian around to face him. The mage tried to resist, and turned his face away but one kohl stained eye was still easily visible, etching dark lines down the man's face._

_He didn't cry like others The Bull had seen. Krem was angry and loud, Stitches was clingy. But Dorian was silent and stubborn, trying to rebuild a wall that had broken inside of himself. No runny nose or quivering lip, just watery eyes that ran down his cheeks in defiance of the mage's wishes._

_The Bull reached up and carefully wiped one away, but Dorian pulled and glared, "I don't need your pity." He snapped and tried to walk around the Qunari, tried to flee the scene but was stopped by a strong arm pulling him back in. "Vishante Kaffas, let me go!"_

_"It's not pity, Dorian." He said firmly._

_"Well whatever it is, I don't like it!"_

_That, for some unfathomable reason, made The Bull chuckle. "Tell me about Felix." He challenged, "I want to give proper honors to a man who could bring the great Dorian of House Pavus...to tears."_

_For a breathless instant, The Bull was sure he would end up charred on the floor. But the moment passed and Dorian's defiance and fury quelled. His head came forward and rested against The Bull's chest, "He was strong..." the mage admitted in a broken voice, "Stronger than I'll ever be." And what little Dorian had managed to rebuild of his wall came crashing down as a pair of arms slid around broad shoulders for support. With his face hidden, he cried in soft sounds into the Qunari's scarred flesh._

_The Bull gathered him up into his arms and moved them to the armchair by the window, sitting down and letting Dorian curl against him. The mage was a comfortable weight in his arms, and his nose eventually made its way into the junction of The Bull's neck. He felt every tear that defiantly fell from the mage's eyes and didn't say a word as he held the man close._

Three months crawled by with all the speed of a glacier in Skyhold. Perhaps it didn't help that The Bull refused to go on any outings with either the Inquisitor or the Chargers, not when Dorian was in the state that he was. But the mage's behavior (or rather, lack thereof) was something that drained him both body and mind. Each night when the man came to bed he would settle in beside The Bull and be asleep in minutes, where his partner would lay awake for hours.

He was sitting in the Tavern, his flagon of ale hardly touched and his mind distant to the sounds around him. He didn't even notice Thidran enter the building, or the Chargers vacate the table at the Inquisitor's word. The only thing that pulled him from his mind was the sharp kick to his knee and made him jolt, "Uh, what's up Boss? Need something?"

"As a matter of fact," Thidran said, his tone giving no room for nonsense. It was his Inquisitor voice, the one he used when he wouldn't be denied... "We're headed to the Emerald Graves tomorrow. You're accompanying us."

The Bull cleared his throat, loathe to challenge his friend and superior, "As nice as that sounds..."

"You're going, Bull. You need to get out of Skyhold." He said resolutely, his eyes narrowing.

The man sighed, "I just don't think-"

"No, that's the problem. You're doing _too much_ thinking. Too much worrying. I won't accept it anymore. We are doing everything in our power to help Dorian right now, but you still have a duty to the Inquisition. You're coming, and that's that." Thidran didn't allow a rebuttal as he turned to leave the Tavern, pausing to offer his smile to a few patrons who looked down on themselves.

The Bull sat there for a few long minutes after Thidran was gone, then finished off his drink and stood up. Krem watched him as he left the building, and was by his side a moment later as he was climbing the stairs to the ramparts.

They were silent, not entering the bedroom and instead just stood side by side, watching the night sky. "What if we can't fix him, Krem?" He finally felt the words tumble from his mouth, his eye dropping down to the mountains before them.

His Lieutenant scoffed, "If there's anyone in this world who can fix Dorian, they're here in Skyhold."

"Yeah but...what if there's not? I mean...Tranquil have existed for centuries, I've never heard of one being...cured." He shrugged weakly, leaning against the stone wall.

Krem shrugged, "Then that's it, isn't it?" He looked to The Bull carefully, studying the lines of defeat that were worn into the Qunari's features, "If there's nothing we can do, then it's exactly that. We'll move on."

"But Dorian can't just _move on_ Krem!" The Bull snapped, glaring harshly.

The words that came next hung heavily in the air and settled an unpleasant weight on The Bull's chest, "Hasn't he though?" Silence for a moment before the man pressed on, "He moved on because he doesn't know how to do anything else right now. But you do. So we'll fight, we'll fight until we find an answer, whatever it is. Then we'll go forward from there."

It wasn't the answer he wanted and they both knew that. He wasn't sure what would happen if he got the answer he was afraid of in the end.

"Go with the Boss tomorrow, Chief. Spend some time away from Skyhold. Get your head back on." He gave the Qunari a gentle nudge, "We'll be here, we'll keep an eye on him and you know that. But you're not doing anyone any good wallowing like this."

The Bull just grunted as he straightened up. A strong hand came down to pat Krem's shoulder before he walked over to his door and moved away from the unsettling conversation.

The fear of permanently losing Dorian was one that stemmed from something deeper than just passion or even love. As Tal'vashoth he felt without reason or purpose, and without Dorian to ground himself on...

_The ride back to Skyhold from the Coast had been understandably quiet and tense. The Bull hated that everyone felt on edge around him, but as they entered the gates, he leaned over to Thidran, "I would appreciate if this were kept quiet...for now." He asked, knowing gossip was inevitable but if it meant he could have one night..._

_Dorian had not gone to the Coast with them, Thidran had deemed it unsafe for a Tevinter Mage to go to a Qunari raid. Who knew? But the Boss was right, and even The Bull knew that. And now it meant that his tentative lover didn't know he was hurting, it meant that he could lose himself in a night of sex._

_But from the second The Bull stepped up into the library with his arms wide and a grin on his face, the mage seemed to feel something was off. The smile on his lips was betrayed by the wariness in his eyes, "Everything go alright?" He asked as his book was set aside so he could stand._

_"I came back in one piece didn't I?" The Bull grinned, and in the next moment he had grabbed Dorian by the hips and had him pinned against the wall with a kiss._

_The mage responded naturally, with a moment of returned affections before pushing at the Qunari, "Really you brute?" His eyes scanned the area for a safer place._

_The Bull just leaned down and nuzzled against Dorian's ear, letting him hear a low growl that he knew turned the mage's knees soft, "Yes really. If not here, then your room. Either way, you're going to be naked in the next five minutes."_

_He felt the shudder run through the man, felt the swell of pride that gave him._

_It was rare that they fucked in Dorian's room, and whenever they did the mage often kicked him out shortly after. At least when they stayed in The Bull's room it was Dorian who would creep out in the night, when he thought the other asleep. But he didn't care about those things when all he wanted was the feel of another body beneath his._

_Yet as they lay together afterwards, the mage made no voice for the other to leave the red silken sheets they were curled in. Instead it was the mage who extracted himself a moment later, stretching his nude body with all of the flare of a man who knew just how gorgeous he was._

_"Don't tell me you're running off already." The Bull grumbled, watching as Dorian padded around to gather up his clothing._

_"Hardly. I'll be back in a moment." He said, fingers moving deftly to thread each button back to its proper state._

_The Bull grunted this time, "Want me gone?" he asked honestly, because that's how this usually went._

_He was met with a strange look, one that was challenging and curious, "Only if you want to be gone." The mage left a moment later and The Bull sat there pondering the words until his return._

_The door clicked closed and Dorian approached with two large bottles of unmarked alcohol. He gave one to The Bull and went back to the other side of the bed, toeing off his boots before settling back against the nest of pillows._

_"What're we drinking to?" The Bull questioned aloud, not going to fight free alcohol at a time like this. He used his teeth to pull out the cork._

_He felt Dorian shrug beside him, "You tell me, if you'd like." He set his own cork aside and lifted the bottle to his lips for a pull, "Or we could just...drink."_

_The Bull was quiet as he mulled that over, then lifted the bottle and took a long drink in answer. Soon enough he had a warm body leaning against his own and the night passed more easily than it had in days. The mage didn't press or question, and halfway through their drinks they fucked again long and lazy._

_That was the first morning he woke with Dorian next to him, the scents of the room surrounding them while the morning sun tried to sneak its way up to their faces. It was a strange comfort, until the sound of pained groaning made him worry. The mage held a hand over his head, swallowing hard, his normally immaculate look disheveled and imperfect, "Ugh...my head."_

_"Yeah," he chuckled, keeping his voice soft, "It'll do that to you."_

_"I hate you." The mage openly griped before shoving his aching head against The Bull's body, "But you're so warm."_

_The Bull was silent for a few minutes while his lover ailed with loud contempt. His eye settled on the empty bottle on Dorian's nightstand, the one the mage had been drinking from, "Honestly I'm surprised you're not dead...or a whole hell of a lot worse." He admitted honestly. Most people, especially humans, could only take a few swigs of his firewater before they were down and out. "Why'd you drink the whole thing?"_

_"Couldn't...have you drinking alone now could I?" Very slowly, Dorian pulled himself from The Bull's side and stood, hobbling over to his dresser where he extracted a small pouch, then went over to the tray on his vanity which contained a pitcher of water and a glass. He emptied the pouch into the glass and poured the water in, stirring it with his finger until steam was rising from the top._

_The room was in a comfortable quiet while the mage swallowed down the contents of the glass and settled down on the chair in front of his vanity, holding his head._

_"I drink alone all the time." The Bull finally informed._

_Dorian shook his head, "You drink with others in the Tavern, with your Chargers, with the Inquisitor. But you loathe to drink alone." He was relaxing more every few seconds as whatever concoction he had taken was working its way into his system._

_"Pretty perceptive of you." Was the only response he could manage._

_"Now...care to tell me about that lost look in your eye, Bull?" Dorian was making his way back to the bed, settling down lightly and with a slight wince. "You weren't injured, nor were you loud and jubilant. Something happened at the Coast. Something that drove you to need an outlet more than a partner."_

_It hit The Bull in that moment how sharp the mage's eyes were. It was perhaps a little frightening to know he had spent most of his life training to be unreadable to others, and yet Dorian had known something wasn't right almost instantly. He swallowed the lump in his throat and sighed, dropping his chin to his chest._

_Dorian still didn't press._

_"I turned against the Qun. I'm Tal'vashoth now." He said flatly, "True-fucking-gray." He growled angrily, and found himself launching into a retelling of the events at the Coast. It wasn't the same way he would tell the Inquisitor, or write a report. He voiced his worries, his struggles, and his treachery._

_"All my life," he finally said, "I gave everything for them. And the one time I ask for something back..."_

_Arms slid around his shoulders and a naked body settled in his lap as Dorian leaned in close. "And because of that sacrifice, your Chargers walked away with their lives."_

_"And the Dreadnaught went down!" The Bull snapped angrily, but Dorian didn't even flinch. "Hundreds of men died."_

_"Because they refused to be saved, Bull." The mage's tone was stern, "Had you been given the opportunity, I know you and Thidran would have done anything to save that ship, even if it meant breaking the alliance. But you were a leader to your men, you took charge of them and yourself."_

_The Bull's skin felt too tight, his mind was too loud. He squirmed where he sat but Dorian wasn't going to let go. "You're just biased." He snapped, "You're glad they're dead."_

_"I won't say I'm not." The man agreed, "But that isn't the issue here." He sighed, "You walked out of there alive, as did Thidran and your Chargers. I'm grateful for_ that _."_

_It was the truth, but it didn't stop the anger and self-loathing._

_A gentle hand tipped The Bull's chin up and he was met with an unwavering gaze, "Tell me, why is it you gave yourself the name, The Iron Bull? Why is it you celebrate with your men? Why is it you fight alongside Thidran, a Tal'vashoth? Why do you fight at_ my _side, or take me to bed? I hate...to put this on you, Bull, but you haven't been of the Qun for longer than you realize."_

_It felt like a slap to the face and this time The Bull did shove Dorian back as he stood up to his full height, growling down at the mage who finally had the sense to look unnerved. "Turning against the Qun, going Tal'vashoth, I leave myself open to...to becoming mindless! A monster!"_

_"Is Thidran a mindless monster?" the man snapped quickly, "You will only become mindless if you want to be that way!"_

_"You don't know what you're talking about you spoiled bastard! You spent your life with a silver spoon up your ass, you had no responsibility or worries!" He was grabbing his pants and harness, pulling them on with sharp movements. "Everyone hates you people, but you don't want to turn your back on_ them _do you? How's that mirror treating you?" The words were spat in such a venomous rage that the guilt didn't wait for him to calm down to settle on his chest._

_He fled the room, slamming the door hard enough that all of Skyhold likely heard. Anything to banish the sight of the hurt in Dorian's eyes..._

The Emerald Graves wasn't a pleasant place by name alone. Such a beautiful forest hid dark secrets and morbid tales - but one wouldn't know as much from the ecstatic look on Solas' face as they walked their given path. He wasn't sure he had ever seen the mage smile so much as he tittered on about the Fade and all of the stories the ruins in the forest could tell. And Thidran listened to each one with a dopey sort of smile on his face.

The Bull had to imagine that love was hard when it was only one-sided.

Cassandra was accompanying them as well, in search of evidence regarding the Seekers who had gone missing. Investigating Corypheus' lurking spots seemed like as good of a place as any to start. The Seeker was quiet company though, always tense with shoulders drawn as tight as a bowstring.

Three days of searching gave them a result, to The Bull's surprise. With countless Red Templar marinating in their own poisoned blood, Cassandra recovered her first real clue. Her hope was as loud as her voice as she spoke her thoughts, about her worries for her fellow Seekers. It was the most animated The Bull had ever seen her.

But they weren't the only ones to take notice while walking through Troll lands.

The Bull saw it first and his blood burned for a fight. He didn't say anything as he broke their path and drew his axe, charging the creature with blind rage.

He didn't recall any specifics about the fight. There was a lot of yelling, a lot of pain, a lot of blood. He remembered the feel of ripping one of the monster's tusks out of its face, jamming it in the eye. He remembered the fire in his lungs at each breath he took, like he couldn't get enough air and yet had too much all at once.

" _BULL!_ " Thidran's voice topped a shout as he grabbed and shook his friend, wrenching him away from the felled Troll, and slowly he felt lucidity returning. "It's dead Bull!"

The Troll's chest was a gored mess of blood and bone, the beast long since dead. That blood was stained across The Bull's chest, hands, and axe and he realized with a sickening feeling that he had gone into a senseless rage.

It was something that had happened before, but only when he was severely injured or emotional. He dropped his axe and backed away from the Troll, staring down at his hands as if they had betrayed him.

"It's alright, Bull." Thidran's voice was soft now, "We'll get to camp, it'll be alright."

Nothing was alright...

 


	3. Chapter 3

_It had been over a month since their fight and neither of them had spoken a word to one another beyond necessity. Dorian had gone back to snide remarks whenever communication was forced, and it was understandable. The Bull had broken their trust, he had taken the mage's kindnesses and thrown them back in his face._

_It was how things would have remained were it not for the incident in Emprise Du Lion._

_Demons were never something The Bull was fond of in any capacity. They represented everything he hated and feared. But Demons_ and _Venatori? There was one thing he knew, however... No matter how bad their quarrel had been in the weeks prior, no matter how viciously they barbed at one another, they had each other's backs in a fight. At least, that's what he told himself..._

_Dorian was good at keeping the Demons down long enough for someone to deliver the final blow. The blood flowed readily as spells flew around them. Varric's arrows caused confusion enough that Thidran and The Bull were able to clear out the Rift, which only left the Venatori bastards._

_As the tides of the battle tipped in their favor, the desperate mages launched one final fireball that missed by a mile. Two died, three escaped. Yet as The Bull readied himself to chase after the remaining stragglers he heard a worried shout from behind. "Sparkler!"_

_He and Thidran turned at once and scanned the area. Dorian was nowhere in sight, but as The Bull's gaze landed on Varric he felt a cold pit in his stomach. The dwarf was running towards a rather large hole in the ice, melted and not broken._

_They weren't aiming for The Bull or Thidran._

_The Inquisitor sprung into action faster, dropping his great-sword as he ran after Varric. The Bull was a few steps behind, but Thidran already had his boots and armor off, diving into the opening without hesitation._

_Going in after them would have been stupid, so The Bull and Varric waited nervously at the opening, with The Bull scanning the ice around them. Thidran was strong enough to be able to fight the current (though not for very long in freezing waters), but the odds of them coming up in the same place were slim to none and his hunch was right._

_He saw the moving figure several feet away and ran for it, taking his axe and breaking the ice with rough strokes while Varric helped to pull away the broken pieces. Thidran got a hold on the edge of the thick ice and with help, he and Dorian were pulled free of the waters._

_The mage was entirely unconscious, lips blue but he was still squirming some. The Bull pulled him aside and worked at resuscitation, needing to get the water from the man's lungs. It took only a quick scan to see that Dorian had been smart enough in his lucid moments under the water to kick off his boots and robes, but that just left him more exposed to the cold._

_After several unsuccessful attempts, The Bull gave a frustrated snarl and slammed Dorian's chest hard, the jolt just enough that the mage coughed the first of the water from his lungs. The relief that washed over the three was a palpable force, and The Bull continued to evacuate the water from Dorian's lungs until the man was breathing again._

_Unconscious, but breathing at least._

_But they were far from safe. There were already signs of hypothermia setting in, the man wasn't even shivering. The Bull and Thidran had thicker skin, but Dorian was a man who could be cold in the damn Hissing Wastes. He gathered the mage up into his arms, "Varric, give me your coat."_

_The dwarf wasted no time, shrugging the clothing off and handing it over. It was small, but it was all they had._

_"We have to get him back to camp." Thidran said, gathering his armor as quickly as he could._

_"Too far." The Bull snapped, and he took in their scenery again, "Come on." He took them down the river at a jog, his mental map of the area leading his path until they breached a hill and caught sight of a small cabin tucked away against the mountainside._

_It was an abandoned noble's house that he and the Chargers had been paid to maintain several years prior. The three of them rushed inside, only belatedly realizing that the home could have been some Venatori or Red Templar hideout. But thankfully it was empty inside, and everyone relaxed marginally._

_"Varric, there's a storage shed around back outside which should have firewood. Thidran, grab the comforter off the bed." He ordered swiftly. They had to get the mage's temperature under control quickly or there was little they would be able to do without a healer._

_He set Dorian down in front of the long abandoned hearth and began to work the clothing off of the mage's body, pants and socks and undergarments, until he was completely bare. "Bull?" Thidran sounded concerned as he came out with a moth-eaten blanket from the other room._

_"The clothes are wet and cold. We need to get him warm, the faster the better." He took the blanket and started to wrap the man up, bundling him against The Bull's chest until he could feel the cold breaths against his skin._

_Varric came back a moment later and Thidran jumped to help the dwarf, and together they managed to get a fire burning in the hearth, warming and lighting the cabin._

_The space had once been opulent, with tapestries on the walls and fine furniture. But the place seemed to have been picked apart by looters and animals over the years._

_Afterwards, Thidran and Varric took the chance to relax while The Bull settled he and Dorian closer to the fire._

_"Hey Tiny, how'd you know about this place?" Varric asked, "Even knew there was a woodshed."_

_The Bull glanced over, unaware of his fingers carding through cool, damp hair. "A noble used to own this place. He paid me 'n my Chargers a few times, whenever he wanted to come out here. We chopped wood for the shed, made sure the pipes weren't frozen, and that the area was clear of any dangers."_

_"Well, sure came in handy. Will Sparkler be ok?"_

_He nodded slowly, "Yeah. I'm pretty sure. He wasn't under for too long, and we got him out of the cold. He'll probably come out of this with a nasty cold, but he should be alright."_

_"Good." Thidran said, and his voice had a slight bite to it, "Maybe you two can make up now before you drive us all mad."_

_"What?"_

_"Well, you weren't exactly quiet when you two got into it." Varric defended, pulling Bianca into his lap as if to comfort himself with the crossbow's presence, "And you two went from fucking whenever you thought someone wasn't looking, to snapping at each other's throats."_

_The Bull sighed his defeat and shook his head, "It was my fault. I... He was trying to help me and I took out my anger on him."_

_"We all know, Bull." Thidran shrugged, "Just fix it alright?"_

_"Yeah, Boss." He agreed, "You two get some rest, I'll keep watch."_

_Neither of them argued, both finding a place in the cabin to settle down to rest while The Bull remained by the fire with Dorian. At some point he had started shivering, only to stop again. It was a sign at least._

_The warmth of the fire and the press of another body were soon tempting The Bull toward sleep, and it was a battle he felt himself losing until the mage stirred against his broad chest._

_It was with a yawning breath that the mage's eyes opened, looking around himself lazily._

_"Doin' alright Vint? Gave us a scare." The Bull's voice was soft and low to keep from waking the others._

_Tired eyes blinked up at him before the mage could make his mouth work, "Never..." He began, and The Bull waited for whatever insult was coming, "Never take me...to this thrice damned, blight-frozen place again." Dorian's head dropped weakly against The Bull's shoulder, "I never want to be that cold again."_

_The response was unexpected in that it was so expectedly Dorian. He couldn't help the laugh that hit him as he shook his head, "Alright, nowhere cold again. I promise."_

_"Good... Because if you do, I will take the silver spoon out of my ass and carve your balls out with it." He griped, nosing against The Bull's skin._

_Guilt settled in once more, "Dorian, I'm..."_

_"Don't. No apologies. You were angry, and you'll spend the next few months making it up to me with incredible sex and chocolate. Lots of chocolate." Dorian decided, eyes closing._

_This pulled another laugh from The Bull, his fingers coming back up and this time he did realize he was threading them through the mage's now dry, soft hair. "Alright. Sex and chocolate, pretty sure I can manage that."_

_"And Bull?"_

_"Yeah, Dorian?"_

_"Why am I naked?"_

_"You need to get some sleep, Vint..."_

The clue Cassandra had discovered led them to a small castle, Caer Oswin, on the western reaches of Ferelden. The place itself had a collection of assailants inside, one's that the Seeker called the "Order of Fiery Promise." An organization of zealots who believed themselves to be the 'true' Seekers, and who had helped Corypheus to capture the other Seekers.

Cassandra was understandably upset, but her desire to follow the trail right away was halted by Thidran. They needed rest, and Skyhold was only a two day's ride. He promised the Seeker they would investigate further, but The Bull had a feeling his episode with the Troll had caused concern enough that they needed to stop.

Since the Emerald Graves, The Bull had kept himself in tight check. That didn't change what happened however. It didn't change the fact that he had lost control.

But the return to Skyhold was welcome, and when they made their way through the gates late that night, The Bull immediately went up to his room to find a mage curled up in his bed. Just like old times - his heart jumped before it came crashing down.

Regardless, he stripped down to his pants and crawled in beside Dorian, pulling the man against his side.

He no longer scented of expensive soaps and oils, but just the raw scent of the man was enough to bring The Bull some semblance of peace. The mage stirred in the curl of the Qunari's arm, however, and blinked up at him tiredly. "You're very warm, Bull."

"Deal with it." He sighed, keeping Dorian pressed against him.

The man just grabbed his pillow and found a comfortable position before returning to his dreamless sleep.

The Bull woke when he felt Dorian getting out of bed. Normally the mage would sleep in until noon if allowed, and would spend a great many daylight hours grooming himself to perfection only for The Bull to make a mess of him later.

But this shell of his lover just got up, cleaned his face, and left for the library. He was unaware of the eye watching him until the door closed, or that The Bull just lay silent and still in his bed for many long minutes after as he tried to gather his senses together again.

By the time he made his way down to the courtyard, Krem had already started the morning drills for the Chargers, his sharp voice echoing through the space over the caterwauling that was the Templar and his men. The Bull couldn't help the sense of pride he got at that.

His thoughts were broken by a messenger jogging towards him, an elf with red hair and toothpick extremities that could be snapped with a breath. He quickly banished the needlessly violent thoughts, shoving them down and away with the hopes that they would have never existed.

"L-Lord Bull?"

"I'm not a Lord. What do you need?" He growled, though knew it wouldn't make any difference to the elf.

The elf cleared his throat and bowed, "Apologies. But, um, Solas has requested your presence in the Rookery."

The Bull took a moment to make a mental note to ask Solas how he had gotten the boy to drop the titles. He nodded to the elf, "Alright. Go...eat a sandwich or something." He grumbled, "You're too scrawny."

"Y-Yes Sir." Before he could be berated on the title, however, he fled.

He made his way up into Skyhold proper and nodded to Varric who was penning something by the fire. As he stepped into the Rookery he spotted Solas, leaning against his desk (that was rather lavish and expensive, thanks to Thidran's rampant crush), the Inquisitor, standing to the side with arms folded, Cole who was perched on the desk beside Solas, and Dorian standing quietly in the middle of the space.

The Bull felt his stomach twisting uncomfortably, "What's going on?" he asked as he approached, every pair of eyes turning to him.

Solas cleared his throat and spoke first, "Cole? Can you read Dorian's mind for me?"

The young man turned those giant doe eyes up to the elf, "I told you, I can't _see_ him. There's nothing to read!"

Solas nodded in understanding before he looked to The Bull again, "Now Cole, try looking through Bull's mind, would you?" He pushed lightly off the desk and walked towards Dorian who stood silent and compliant.

Cole's expression turned pinched and he reached up to hold his head in one of his hands, "I... The Bull sees him, like a ghost. _So much is the same but even more is different. A ghost, a gray ghost who exists as a shell. Kadan. The word echoes, bounces, screamed to nothing more than an empty room that eventually swallows the sound and returns nothing. Kadan. Kadan. I'll fix you. Corypheus will pay, the Red Templars' blood will run in rivers..."_

"That's enough, Cole." Solas' hand gently rested against the apparition's shoulder. "But you saw Dorian through Bull's mind right?"

Cole looked utterly confused as he nodded, "Yes. Yes he's...he's there but he's not _there._ " He crawled off the desk and walked towards Dorian, reaching out a tentative hand and touching Dorian like he wasn't sure what he was feeling, "There in body, but there's nothing to read."

"What's this accomplishing?" The Bull demanded, turning his gaze to Thidran warily.

It was Solas who spoke up again, turning to face The Bull, "Per Cassandra's words, the Rite of Tranquility cuts a mage off from the Fade. That is why Cole can't see or read him. Cole is enough of a spirit that Dorian is virtually nonexistent to him. It's what makes Tranquil so undesirable to demons, and demons are spirits."

"And?"

" _And..._ " Solas stressed with an impatient sigh, "If we can understand what exactly is cutting Dorian off from the Fade, there's a far better chance we can reverse it."

This made The Bull blink, "Oh..." He looked over to Thidran who offered him a small smile, then to Dorian who was watching them all with a neutral expression. "So how are you gonna figure out what's keeping him from the Fade?"

"Therein lies the problem." Solas sighed, "I was hoping that Cole could explore that. I have tried entering Dorian's mind while he slept, but Tranquil do not dream, and without a connection to the Fade, there's nothing for me to grab hold of. Cole has the same problem in wakefulness."

"Alright." The Bull sighed, "At least it's something." It was proof that he wasn't the only one fretting over this and that things were being done, attempted. "If there's anything I can do, anything at all, you let me know."

Cole was still touching and pawing at Dorian like he couldn't quite believe the man was there, and the mage just stood quiet and still.

Solas nodded and went back to his desk, his eyes skimming over a collection of books laid out over the surface. "Cullen has been having some of his men go to the Chantries throughout the South, seeing if they have any information we don't already. So far it has proven fruitless. There was...one thing, however."

"What's that?" The Bull seemed wary.

"A small Chantry in Orlais gave us the only thing that might be useful. That The Seekers might know more." The elf looked back over to Dorian, "I did some research on Seekers, and came up with little more than what the Chantry wants people to know. It's something to speak with Cassandra about. That is what you can do for me, Bull. She's more likely to open up to you about this matter than I."

The Bull's eyes went back to Dorian and he sighed, nodding, "Alright. I'll see what she knows." He paused, "Dorian?" The man turned that unnerving, empty gaze towards the Qunari, "Don't get into any trouble alright?"

"Of course not, Iron Bull."

The words sent a chill down his spine and he turned to leave, Thidran catching up to him a minute later. At the questioning look, the Inquisitor nodded, "This matter concerns me, Bull. Dorian may be your lover but he is, as well, my friend. Like you, I am displeased with the lack of progress we've made in this matter."

The words, though flowery, relaxed him. "Thanks Boss."

"We'll speak with Cassandra together." He promised as they made their way up into the Tavern only to be met with the sounds of loud crashing. Both Qunari rushed up the stairs.

"You knew where Hawke was all along!" Cassandra had Varric pinned to one of the tables and looked ready to rip out his throat. Thidran rushed in to separate them, and it wasn't long before The Bull saw he wasn't needed and left. No point in speaking with the Seeker when she was like this.

The Bull and Thidran waited until they were leaving Skyhold with Cassandra and Cole to try the questions again. It was the Inquisitor who cleared his throat, "Cassandra?" he began, pulling their horses to walk side-by-side, "I was wondering if you could tell me a little more about the Seekers..."

"Why the sudden interest?" the woman all but growled, her tone as wary as the sharpness of her gaze.

"Well we are looking for them aren't we? I want to help you, but I also want to know exactly what it is I'm helping." He mused, his argument not one the Seeker could openly challenge.

"The Seekers of Truth along with the Templars were the original Inquisition." Cassandra began honestly, "Over time, though, the Seekers became more secretive and we regarded the Templars carefully, keeping them in check when they started to get too big of heads. Our duties are to expose and eradicate corruption, and protect the Chantry." She finished, looking up to Thidran, "We are a small order, but nothing to be taken lightly."

"I have no doubts." Thidran said with a smile, "We want to help you find them, no matter the circumstances."

Thidran Adaar was many things, and The Bull recalled when they had first spoken about Qunari. He had admittedly been harsh on the future Inquisitor, berating him that he was Tal'vashoth and little more than a mindless animal that, under any other circumstance, The Bull would put down. However the longer he knew Thidran, the less and less he thought that. The man was damn smart and had a silver tongue that rivalled even Varric's.

No... Thidran wasn't Tal'vashoth, but The Bull was. He was _true gray_ and would lose himself to mindlessness eventually. Already he could feel things slipping. The incident with the Troll had just been one that was noticeable to more than just himself...

#

_The Bull did as he promised. Over the next several weeks he took Dorian to his bed almost nightly, and spent perhaps too much on fancy chocolates that made the mage's eyes glint with joy. But it took a while to see what Dorian was actually doing beneath it all..._

_"What's your birthday, Bull?" The question came from seemingly nowhere late one evening as the two lay in a tangled mess of limbs and laziness, coming down from their mutual sexual highs._

_The Qunari blinked, raising a brow, "We don't have Birthdays in the Qun." He responded._

_"Well, I figure the Qun doesn't have names but you already have one of those. The Qun doesn't have families, but you have that too." At the questioning look the mage received he shook his head, "Well, your Chargers are like your little baby ducklings. Thidran is as good as a brother to you. Varric's like the eccentric uncle. I could go on, but I'm sure I've made my point. So why is it you can't have a birthday?"_

_The speech had The Bull pondering Dorian's words carefully, though he was still not convinced._

_It wasn't until after the mage had drifted to sleep that things slowly began clicking together. His birthday hadn't been the first of the odd questions or behaviors. The one before that had been a question of what he wanted to do once Corypheus was slain. Before that was where he would want to live._

_It dawned on him from one moment to the next that the clever little mage had been trying to get The Bull to realize what he could have outside of the Qun. Dozens of odd little things that he didn't have before, that he could have now. But none of those things seemed even remotely as desirable as the nosy little mage curled against him._

_Two days later, while Dorian was purring over some cream-filled chocolate that The Bull had gotten ordered in from Orlais, he figured it was his turn to ask the questions. "What're you gonna do when all of this is over?" He asked as if they had been having the conversation prior._

_The mage appeared only mildly surprised, but shrugged, "Our dear Inquisitor has inspired me to go back home and rally for change in Tevinter."_

_The Qunari hummed in contemplation, "Plan on finding a nice man?"_

_"Me? No. Sex with the same gender happens in Tevinter but it's not something...not something you pursue for anything more than what it is. It's improper." He shook his head and something sad flashed in his eyes._

_"So what do you want this to be then? Us...I mean." The question surprised even himself after he asked it, it wasn't something he had ever had the need to ask before._

_Dorian eyed him warily, "I've been a port in a storm before, Bull. You're adjusting to new things all around you."_

_The Bull had spent his entire life learning how to gauge what other people needed, so he could give it or take it away. It was something he liked giving, but this was the first time someone had turned that on him, "You make it sound like I'm using you."_

_"Using me would imply that I don't enjoy this...dalliance we've been having. No, Bull, I want to help you." He reached out and pulled the Qunari in for a kiss, smiling with affection but the sadness still lingered in his eyes._

_"You asked me what I wanted to do. Before." The Bull started, moving to settle down beside Dorian on his bed, "What if I told you I want to find myself someone nice. Like, a mouthy little mage from Tevinter." He had watched the sadness strengthen in the man's gaze before softening as he realized what The Bull had said._

_"I would tell you..." The rest of the words seemed to dry up in Dorian's throat, and he shook his head, "I would tell you I'm not sure. We're a rare breed."_

_The Bull shrugged, "Seems I found one just fine." He pulled Dorian up into a kiss, leaned them back onto the bed, and the rest of the day went by in a wonderful haze._

In the remains of an old castle, after six days of chasing clues, they finally found their answers. The Bull scented blood the moment they entered the ruins, and with it, he could feel the presence of Red Lyrium making the air around him feel tainted and stained.

"Daniel!" It was the most desperate and pained he had ever heard Cassandra as she rushed towards what might have once been a human. He was still alive, but it was not a life worth living.

He felt a shudder run down his spine.

"You're...you're alive." The man managed in a small and broken voice.

Cassandra dropped to her knee beside him, reaching out a hand for his shoulder as she stared at him with disbelief, "As are you... I'm so glad I found you."

"No," Daniel breathed desperately, "They...put a demon inside me, it's tearing me up." He squirmed on the ground somewhat, panting a desperate breath.

"What? You can't be possessed - that's impossible!" Cassandra straightened her back, but despite his words there was confusion written on her features.

The man shook his head slowly and gathered his breath, "I'm not possessed. They...fed me things. I can feel it growing." His hands clenched at his sides and relaxed, over and over in pleading movements.

Thidran spoke up, "Can we do anything?" he asked, panicked.

"I don't know, this thing inside him..." The Seeker was trying to hold herself together, such was obvious, but there was panic there.

"The Lord Seeker. You have to find him!" Daniel gasped.

"Of course we'll find him. If he lives, we'll-"

"Lucius betrayed us, Cassandra." He broke in, his tone regretful, "He sent us here, one by one. 'An important mission' he said. Lies! He was here with them all along. He's still working with them. He let the demon take command while he..."

"Came here..." The Seeker finished tightly.

"Could he really work with these cultists?" Thidran asked, The Bull could see he felt the need to say something. Anything. The whole mess had gotten so much more grim than any of them expected.

"I intend to find out." Cassandra growled, her face darkening, but as she moved to stand, the man reached out with a whine.

"Wait! Don't leave me like this...please..."

She knelt back down carefully, her voice going soft and careful like she was speaking with a child or a small animal, "You should have come with me. You didn't believe in the war any more than I did."

"You know me. I wanted that promotion." He chuckled, but it was covered in a bloody cough.

The woman closed her eyes tightly for a moment as she decided on her course of action. Slowly then she stood and reached down to draw her blade which sang in the dank air, "Go to the Maker's side, Daniel. You will be welcome." She breathed, and whether or not she believed it she knew that there was no life for Daniel any longer after what had been done to him.

Both The Bull and Thidran turned their eyes away to give their final moment some semblance of privacy. All three of them looked up the stairs leading to the courtyard above and made their way towards the light, ready to face whatever they saw.

However when they laid eyes on Lucius at the top...The Bull didn't recall what happened next.

_Weeks went by, and despite the dangers posed by Corypheus and the Breach, The Bull found himself strangely happy. He was no longer of the Qun, but whenever Dorian flashed him a smile or moaned his name he came to accept that being Tal'vashoth wasn't that bad. Not when he could go to bed with dangerous thoughts of what he could have if the mage stayed at his side._

_He would forever deny the sappy things he thought in the confines of his own mind, but he wouldn't rebuke the fact that Dorian made him happy. And he strongly believed he had the same effect on the mage._

_They had taken to staying in the same bed every night, and though Dorian had insisted upon his room, most nights they ended up tumbling into The Bull's bed anyway. The mage's things began appearing here and there. Combs and waxes, a drawer had been claimed, drapes added to the window because of the bright morning sun and its annoying tendencies._

_It had long become something beyond sex. The two confided in and relied on one another readily. At some point they had become something beyond simple companions, but it wasn't something they spoke on. The one time The Bull had asked about it, Dorian looked frightened and slept in his room for two nights._

_So they didn't talk about how Dorian knew what type of horn wax to buy, or how The Bull pulled some strings to get a case of Tevinter wine for the Tavern, or how everyone in Skyhold knew that to find one, they only had to find the other._

_It wasn't mentioned until the night The Bull returned from one of his outings with Thidran, only to find Dorian already asleep and curled up in his bed. Despite all of his protests about the room being too cold and the bed not being soft enough, there he was waiting for The Bull's return._

_The Bull did his best to disrobe quietly, yet as he settled down on the bed the mage stirred almost immediately. He rolled onto his back and looked up at his lover with a tired smile, a lazy hand reaching up to touch the man's muscles and confirm he was really there. The Bull's hand came around and covered Dorian's, "Go back to sleep, Vint." He rumbled, "We can have our reunion in the morning." He smirked._

_Dorian was staring at their connected hands in silence until his words broke the quiet, "What are we?" he asked._

_"Whatever you want us to be." The Bull returned, though they both knew it wasn't the truth. They had long since passed anything beyond physical affections, and even Dorian couldn't deny that anymore._

_The mage shook his head, "I've never had something like this." He admitted, "It was never something I was allowed to have, to even want."_

_"Well you can have it now. Have it, want it, embrace it." He nodded, "You just have to tell me what_ it _is."_

_Silence again, and for a moment The Bull thought Dorian had fallen asleep as his eyes lidded slightly. "I care...isn't that enough?"_

_"That's always enough." They met for a kiss, and found sleep in one another's comfort shortly after._

When The Bull came down from his high, Lucius was dead, but only Thidran seemed to notice something as off about The Bull. The Lord Seeker and his followers lay slain, and Cassandra stood in the midst of the carnage with a dark expression. Even Cole knew to stay back from the woman, all of them giving her some time to herself as she picked through the bodies.

Out of earshot, Thidran nudged his friend, "Talk to me, Bull." He pleaded softly, "Are you...alright?"

"No..." He said honestly, shaking his head. He took a shaking breath and turned to look at the Inquisitor, "Were you paying attention to what Daniel said earlier?" He asked, changing the subject quickly, "They forced a demon inside of him..." He reminded without waiting.

Thidran lowered his eyes, "I heard... It's...it's horrible."

"No, Thidran." The Bull frowned, " _They put a demon in him._ " He stressed.

It took a moment before understanding dawned on his friend's face, "Wait, you think this is linked to what happened to Dorian?" The Qunari turned to look over the area, frowning, "I..."

"From the sounds of it they were trying to force a possession. Just like what Solas said they tried to do with D..." His throat tightened and he coughed, furrowing his brow, "Whatever was going on here, I'll bet every coin I have that they used him as one of their first test subjects."

The Inquisitor shifted from foot-to-foot anxiously, processing the information and putting pieces together in his mind, "Lord Seeker Lucius, I'm assuming he would have the power to perform the Rite. We'll..." he took a breath and let it out through his nose, "We'll bring it up to Cassandra when we get back to Skyhold. This has been a very long day."

The Bull wanted to push, to demand more information.

"But, Bull..." Thidran's voice had gone soft, making the larger look over warily, "How often do you have these...lapses? I can tell when it's not you."

It was The Bull's turn to look anxious, growling softly but there was no lying to Thidran. Not about this at least. "I blamed it on the drink, at first." He admitted bitterly, "After...after Daerwyn, that was the first time. I was...drinking more. At first I would just lose seconds, a few words of a conversation. Then...minutes at a time." He shook his head, "Nobody seemed to notice but me, until the troll in the Graves."

"And this is because of Dorian?" He chanced to ask...

_The battle with the High Dragon had been invigorating. She was a magnificent beast, truly incredible in every respect, with a wingspan that snuffed out the sun, her scales glittered like flawless gems and she had jaws that could take The Bull's arm off in one snap. And The Bull had the honor of fighting her._

_Of course, he and Thidran had battled several dragons by that point, enough so that the Inquisitor had hired a Dragon Expert to help them track and slay the beasts. But oh the armor The Bull would have if he lived from this battle, he would carry this fine creature with him across Thedas and beyond in her honor._

_The battle took quite some time, probably hours (though he wasn't paying that much attention to the passing of the sun), and everyone was exhausted. Even The Bull's muscles burned under his skin each time he flexed, but it was all worth it when the High Dragon made a misstep. Her front right leg had been damaged by Thidran's maul, likely a fracture in the bone, and as her weight shifted she dropped with a snarl._

_She was exposed, and just like that it was over. The Bull rushed towards her head and she had no time to recover before the head of his axe came down on her spine with a terrible crack. She let loose a guttural sound before her body gave in and collapsed lifelessly to the ground. The Bull had given her a swift death in the end._

_In his triumph, he took Dorian to his tent that night and chased Thidran and Solas out of the camp in doing so._

_The following days saw no loss of excitement, his whole body burned with excess energy. He was having armor forged from her hide, though it would be a while before it was ready. The Blacksmith and the Tanner had both chased the excited Qunari from their workspaces and Thidran had barred him from returning to bother them._

_The only one who seemed to delight in his inexhaustible energy was Dorian, who never once complained when he was being carried off to their bed._

_This time seemed no different. He dragged Dorian away and the mage had no qualms with their time together. He was obviously sore, however, with rope impressions on his wrists and a hesitance to sit up. But he did, after they were done for the moment, catching their breath before Dorian reached down and picked up his tunic. He reached inside and drew out a leather cord._

_Settled at the crux of the cord was a long, polished dragon fang easily as big as The Bull's hand. The base was wrapped in dragon leather etched in Qunari symbols and designs. On the outside it looked so simple, but the offering, the gesture, was almost enough to make his heart burst._

_His energy rekindled all at once as he lunged forward to grab_ his _mage, pinning him back against the bed to kiss and smother with affection. Dorian squirmed at first, but was soon wrapping his arms around The Bull, letting it just happen. He wasn't even aware of the word he muttered in the spaces needed for air._

_After several minutes he managed to pull away, looking down at his lover's affection-drunk face and swollen lips with a pride he couldn't contain. He had always believed he would be more hesitant when this happened, more apprehensive or relaxed, he certainly didn't see himself behaving like an idiot. He didn't care though, because Dorian was..._

_"Kadan." He said, this time aware of the word. Nervousness seeped into his chest, however. Dorian might not appreciate such a term._

_"Care to tell me where_ that _came from?" Dorian asked with an amused smile, the fingers of one tanned hand coming up to smooth along the oh-so-sensitive skin connecting to The Bull's horn. He was the only lover who ever knew about that spot, and damn if it didn't make him weak in the knees._

_The Bull leaned down to kiss his lover again, choosing his words with honesty, "We...don't have marriage in the Qun. Or, well, we didn't." He swallowed, because he was no longer of the Qun, he was Tal'vashoth, "But we had an old tradition. Two people who care deeply for each other will split a dragon's tooth, so that no matter how far apart life takes them, they'll always be together." He held his breath, searching the mage's eyes for signs of the fear or aggravation he'd shown before at such suggestions._

_When he didn't get an answer for a few moments, he cleared his throat, "That's probably not what you intended..."_

_"What does that mean?" The man asked, showing only curiosity, "Kadan."_

_The Bull swallowed again, "It means... My Heart."_

_Dorian's brows raised, but his lips curled in a slow and gentle smile that relaxed the tensed muscles in The Bull's body, "To be honest? No. That hadn't been my intention. The tooth, I mean." He turned his head and looked at the item, eyes searching it before turning back up to The Bull, "But it's funny, isn't it? How life works out that way."_

_The fear and anxiety melted from The Bull's body as he leaned down and claimed his lover, his Kadan, in another kiss._

_"Bull?" The word was soft, drawing his attention up, "I'm not...terribly good at these things._ Feelings _and all that." He shook his head and sighed, "And I know it might be...strange to ask. I know that you've felt lost since what happened at the Coast. You said the Qun doesn't have marriage, and there was that look again. You gave everything to them, you only knew that life. At least, that's what you think. But perhaps you can put that faith, that...purpose...into me. For the time being at least. Whenever you feel lost or confused, I will do my best to help you through it."_

_The words hung in the air, The Bull unsure of what to say or how to respond._

_Dorian eventually cleared his throat, "We'll have to get Dagna's help to cut that tooth in half properly." He added._

_Without anything proper to say, The Bull leaned down and claimed his lover in another kiss, rumbling a pleasant sound from somewhere in his chest. "Kadan..."_

_The lips against his own were smiling, "Amatus."_

Cassandra had found a book on the Lord Seeker's body, and though Thidran wanted to see about offering the Inquisition's help in the area, she was eager to return to Skyhold and look through it in privacy. The Inquisitor might have argued this, but he gave The Bull a searching look before agreeing to return.

It hurt to know that he wasn't trusted in his own skin.

They returned late in the evening, and once more The Bull found Dorian asleep in his bed. Their bed. He settled down and reached out, wrapping his hand around the man's shoulder just to feel the warmth and presence. But that's all it was, because he knew Dorian could offer nothing beyond that.

He wanted nothing more than to lay down and pull the man into his arms - but the thought set something unpleasant in his gut.

When next he was aware, The Bull was sitting in Skyhold proper, in front of one of the hearths that held a lazy fire. He couldn't bring himself to feel surprised. He was losing his mind, slipping into everything he had been taught to hate about Tal'vashoth.

 _"He expects it to be like fire under his skin, to risk violence to those around him but it's nothing like what he expected and that makes it more terrifying."_ Cole had appeared beside him, and Bull didn't have the energy to make the damn kid shut up, _"A blink and time is gone, memories. Mindlessness. What will become of me, Tama? And what will become of him. A living ghost. Haunting me with a presence I can't let go of._ "

He blinked and pulled himself from The Bull's thoughts, frowning, "He once told you to put your faith in him, didn't he, The Iron Bull?" Cole asked.

"Yeah..."

"I wish I could tell you what he thinks. I can't...there's nothing to read. But I think right now, he needs to be able to put his faith in _you_."

The Bull snorted, "He can't exactly do that right now."

"Exactly. So you should do that for him. Have faith in yourself, for his sake. We _will_ find an answer. Dorian is loved, and you're not the only one looking for answers." A skinny white hand rested on one of The Bull's shoulders, squeezing it softly, "If you're scared of something, then fight it."

And just as suddenly as the boy had appeared, he was gone.

The Bull sat there, alone, through the darkest part of the night. His mind wandered through all of the memories he shared with Dorian, then with all of the friends he had met in the Inquisition. His mind wandered back to forming the Chargers, and all they had done. He had done so in the name of the Qun.

They had done so in _The Bull's_ name.

He stood from his place and walked out into the garden, looking around the empty space before turning into a small room behind a door.

Torches were lit on the wall, bathing the statue of Andraste in a soft light.

To The Bull, the space felt incredibly cramped and small. He didn't mind, however, as he stepped forward to the altar set before the statue, laden with bouquets and offerings.

He took a deep breath, his good eye closing, "I'm not really sure how to do this..." he admitted lamely, "I've never... I know I've never done this before. My people aren't really the praying kind. But my people aren't _my_ people anymore, and I've spent the last year or so trying to deal with that. Trying to..." He shook his head, "I wish I could say I wasn't here for me, because I want nothing more than to keep Dorian safe and loved. But I'm slipping more and more, I'm losing myself. I can't keep him safe if I'm becoming a monster. Losing control of myself. I put all of my faith into him, and then when he needed me most I let him down. I need _help_ , I need a miracle." His hand came up and covered his face, feeling pathetic, "I don't know what else to do..."

 


	4. Chapter 4

The Bull stopped sleeping in his room. Every time he tried he felt wrong, felt worse than he had before, and walked away. He had gone three months sleeping with a ghost beside him, but he simply couldn't manage it anymore.

However less than a week had passed before Solas came to him, literally _running_ to grab his arm, "Come quickly," he said with a strange tone that The Bull couldn't quite place, " _Quickly!_ It's important."

He let himself be pulled along, confused but curious. He expected to be pulled to the mage's study, but was instead taken down the familiar path into the War Room, where Cassandra, Cullen, Cole, and Thidran were already waiting for them. Anticipation began to curl in his chest.

"What's going on?" he asked as his arm was released.

Solas walked up to the table, "Cassandra?"

The Seeker looked to The Bull and _smiled_ , he had never seen that before... "According to the Book from Lucius, The Seekers of high enough rank have always known about a cure for the Rite of Tranquility."

All of the breath left The Bull's lungs, and in that moment he could have dropped to his knees in disbelief.

"The Seekers go through a yearlong meditation process for our training. I did so as well. We are isolated for that time. Little did I know, this made me Tranquil. At the end of my meditation, however, I was touched by a Spirit of Faith and that cured me." She looked down at the open book on the table, then back up at The Bull, "We can cure Dorian."

He was across the space in two strides, grabbing up Cassandra in a crushing hug, unable to help himself. The woman let out a confused sound and Cullen laughed at her. When he dropped her back down onto her feet, she staggered as The Bull opened his mouth, "How? When?"

"As soon as possible." Thidran spoke up, looking around the faces of the room.

Solas nodded, "Cassandra came to me about this yesterday. After reviewing the book and doing some research of my own, I'm fairly positive we can use Cole as our Spirit. We'll need Cassandra and Cullen to guide him, but he should be able to restore Dorian's connection to the Fade."

The Bull looked over to Cole, "You're ok with this?"

"Yes." The boy said confidently, smiling up at The Bull with hopefulness.

Cullen looked over, "Cassandra and I need about a day to set up a space, and review the process from the book. But by this time tomorrow, Dorian should be back."

Cullen was the next one to get a crushing hug and the man didn't even struggle as he laughed.

Thidran was smiling when The Bull looked over, nodding, "I feel good about this. Solas says he sees nothing that could cause harm. At worst...it doesn't work. But this is a step in the right direction if that's the case."

"You know how to add to the mood." The Bull huffed as he dropped Cullen back down, "But yeah. This is good. This is...great..." He took a breath, unable to wipe the smile from his face.

The air in the room was excited. Cullen and Cassandra gathered the book and nodded as they made their way out to make the necessary preparations. Solas pulled Cole out next, leaving Thidran and The Bull alone. "It'll be good to have both of you back." He said after a moment of quiet.

It stung somewhat, but The Bull understood. "I'm...going to go find Dorian." He said as he turned and left the War Room.

The man was exactly where The Bull expected, settled in his nook with a book in his lap. He didn't look up until a massive hand took his shoulder gently as The Bull knelt down beside him, "Wat'cha readin?"

"I am translating a text on Tevinter War Tactics." He said blandly, scrawling something in the notebook on the arm of his chair.

The Bull reached up, his hand smoothing over and cupping Dorian's jaw, pulling the man to look over at him. He smiled at those blank eyes, "Kadan." He murmured, "You know you're everything to me, right?"

Dorian blinked owlishly at this, but The Bull didn't let it deter him. "I promised you that we'd find a way to bring you back to us. I'm keeping that promise – we all are."

"I am right here, Iron Bull..." the man said simply.

The Bull swallowed, "Yeah, I know. Just...trust me alright?" He leaned up and brushed their lips together, getting nothing in return but that didn't matter. Soon, he told himself. Very soon.

He returned to his room that night, wrapping Dorian in his arms. He didn't sleep, he couldn't, but he reminded himself that his lover was alive every time he felt breath against his chest.

In the morning, when the man tried to leave the room to retreat to his study, The Bull stopped him and answered his confusion by taking him to find Cullen and Cassandra. The two had seemed to find an empty room deep inside of Skyhold, a circular room that the pair had transformed into what they needed. There were symbols drawn out on the floor, the Chantry Sunburst among them.

"We're almost done." Cullen said with a reassuring smile, "Cassandra, Cole, and I will perform the reversal here. Unfortunately you and Thidran will have to wait outside. It shouldn't take long though." He assured, patting The Bull's shoulder. He offered Dorian a smile as well, "Are you ready?"

The mage didn't seem to know how to answer, and just shrugged, "Tell me what you need me to do."

"Stand in the middle, there." Cassandra pointed, then held up her hand, "Not yet. But that's all you're going to need to do." She corrected when Dorian tried to move towards the spot. "For now, just stay here."

Waiting for the two to finish was an agonizingly slow process. The Bull didn't let Dorian out of his arms, grounding himself on the silent presence the other possessed. Cassandra and Cullen flittered in and out of the room, adding symbols and talking about what had to be done once they began.

Solas and Cole joined them after some time had passed, the mage with a cup of something foul smelling in-hand. "It's to help Cole separate his spirit form from his body. Temporarily, of course." He added when the boy gave the elf a concerned look. "The reversal Rite will help tether Cole to Dorian, so that he can reconnect him with the Fade."

"Whatever's gonna work." The Bull said, he didn't pretend to know how any of this worked. He had no doubt, however, that Dorian would be fascinated once he was back to normal.

More time passed, but _finally_ the two called Cole into the room and pulled Dorian from The Bull's arm. Cassandra looked The Bull in the eye sternly, "No matter what you hear on the other side of this door, we need you to trust us. Once the Rite is started, you cannot enter the room until it's over."

That didn't instill a lot of confidence in the Qunari, but he nodded slowly.

Thidran joined a moment later and Cassandra repeated her instructions. With a final nod, The Seeker turned and closed the door behind her.

"Will you be alright, Bull? You and I can go to-"

"I'm not leaving." He growled, folding his arms over his chest.

"Alright." Thidran nodded and took a breath, "None of us know what to expect, though."

The Bull frowned, "Dorian's going to come walking out of that room with a smile, that's what I expect." Though even he couldn't be entirely convinced.

It was obvious when the Rite began. A chill stirred in the air and the crack beneath the door flashed bright green with the chorus of unpleasant sounds. Things that The Bull had heard when Thidran was trying to close a rift. A look over to Solas showed the elf was frowning at this, he knew it as well.

A scream filled the air, the same one they had heard in Daerwyn's Mouth and The Bull lurched for the door, stopped by Thidran's bulk and a snarl.

The agony they heard shattered his heart, made it ache and he cried out in concern. He fought his friend's hold in the desperate need to protect – but even he admitted that the sound wasn't necessarily a bad sign. Dorian had showed signs of pain while Tranquil, but nothing like this. Nothing so primal.

Just as quickly as the sounds had started, they ended. The green glow faded and the chill warmed in the air. The Bull took his opportunity at Thidran's distraction and shoved him aside, grabbing the door and wrenching it open.

The room inside seemed no different than before, save for Cole and Dorian collapsed in the center of the Sunburst. Cassandra and Cullen were approaching the two cautiously, only glancing up at The Bull's intrusion. However he didn't show the same caution as he charged for the fallen mage, dropping to his knees to gather the man up into his lap.

Solas came in right behind The Bull and pressed his fingers to Cole's forehead, murmuring something soft. The air above the boy stirred and a glow began to form before sinking back into Cole's body. The boy opened his eyes and stared blankly up at a proud looking elf.

However Dorian remained unconscious in The Bull's lap. But as he reached his hand up and pushed the sweaty hair from the mage's brow, he let out a strangled sound of pain. The brand remained...

His heart sank, the world felt dull around him. He heard something from Cassandra and Cullen, perhaps words of remorse, but they didn't matter.

Cole sat up and crawled closer to The Bull, a bony hand grabbing the man's arm, "I tried, Iron Bull, I tried!" He breathed, looking frantic and guilty.

He only felt worse, hearing Cole's desperate voice, "I know kid, you did good." He said, his voice feeling hollow in his own throat. The Bull's eye was locked down on the mage's pliant body, knowing that when he stirred he would still be lost to everyone, including himself.

"I had nothing to grab hold of. His mind was so small and distant, kept slipping through my fingers. Pulling away from me." The boy was pressed up against The Bull's side, his gaunt face pressed against gray skin, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"What happened when you called out to him?" Solas asked, settled a few feet away. His eyes showed sadness as well, switching from Dorian to Cole.

"H-He pulled away. Like he was scared of me."

The elf nodded, falling silent in thought for a minute before nodding. "Cassandra? Cullen? Would you try the Reversal Rite again?" At their confused looks he pressed on quickly, "The mind is a terribly fragile thing. It's very likely that Dorian is going to need something familiar before he lets Cole get close."

"And you have something in mind?" The Seeker asked skeptically.

"Yes. I will accompany Cole and Iron Bull into the Fade." He said firmly.

The Bull blinked, "You're gonna do what now?" He demanded, incredulous.

Solas leveled him with a hard stare, "If you want Dorian back, this may be the only way. I will be there with you should anything go wrong."

"You heard what I did out there, they ripped open the Fade. I heard _demons_." The Bull growled.

"Attracted by a weakened soul no doubt, but Cassandra and Cullen are here to protect you physically and I will protect you within the Fade. Do you _trust_ me, Iron Bull?" The Qunari had never seen Solas so stern and certain.

The Bull had little choice, however. He looked down at his lover once more, his hand smoothing over the fevered skin before he let out a sigh, "Alright, I'll do it. But, I have no idea what I'll be doing."

A look of hope had returned to Cole's pallid features, a smile on his lips, "I will be there to help you." He promised, fingers giving the muscles a gentle squeeze.

"I don't like this." Cassandra grumbled.

"You're not the only one." Cullen agreed.

"Try it." Thidran stood in the doorway, having watched the whole thing. "Please." His gaze turned down to Dorian, a frown on his lips.

Cassandra sighed, closing her eyes, "Of course, Inquisitor." She nodded to the door, "But this goes beyond what the tome dictates. Once those three are on the other side, I can make no promises."

"I trust Solas." Thidran said too quickly.

The elf gave his friend a reassuring smile.

Cassandra closed the door, locking Thidran outside. This time, The Bull and Solas remained in the room. Solas gave Cole what remained of the elixir in the mug, the spirit drinking it down with a pained look. He then instructed The Bull to lay down, Dorian tucked against his side as he would normally be when they were sleeping at night.

"I will pull you into the Fade once Cassandra and Cullen begin. But Bull, let me warn you now." Solas said and The Qunari had to resist the urge to roll his eye because only _now_ was he being warned, "It can be very easy for a mortal to feel overwhelmed. Since you are still alive, your soul will be _very_ loud in the Fade. I will be protecting you, but just do your best to focus on the task at hand."

The Bull just nodded. Cole collapsed beside them and his body began to thrash as if he were in the throes of a seizure. He looked up, concerned, but Solas rested a hand on the boy's chest, and nodded.

Cassandra and Cullen began to chant.

Within a matter of seconds, everything was gone. The Bull stood alone in a vast expanse of darkness, staring into nothingness. Something clenched in his chest, but a moment later a strong hand gripped his wrist and Solas stood at his side, "We're with you." He promised, and a glance to his other side revealed a vibrant, glowing light. He could only guess that by the pulses of reassuring energy, it was Cole.

"We're in the Fade?" The Bull asked.

"No, we're in the space between the Fade and our realm. It's the space where mages draw their power from, and where Dorian is no longer connected. I will be waiting for you three within the Fade, keeping it safe. Cole will help you get Dorian that far." Solas elaborated. Less than a second later, the elf was gone.

Cole's gentle energies pulsed softly, dancing around The Bull before pulsing brightly. He was aware of a soft sound, like the ring of a small bell. After a few moments of the repeating sound, The Bull was distantly aware of a faint but similar sound.

The spirit bobbed and started moving towards what The Bull only hoped was Dorian. Eventually the exchanging sounds of the bells resulted in the sight of a soft, flickering light in the distance. The Bull picked up his pace.

The soft flashing light began to dim, but got closer. The ringing stopped and he was aware of the light pulling away, sinking back into the darkness. Cole's spirit flashed and chimed brightly, but Dorian's light only backed further away.

"Dorian..." The Bull breathed, unsure if he could be heard by the mage, but the moment the name was uttered the light trembled and flashed at him. This time when The Bull moved forward, the light didn't move away. Cole remained behind.

Eventually the light was right in front of him; he reached forward and his big hand touched Dorian's light. There was a flash, and the light was suddenly a familiar man collapsing into The Bull's arms. He quickly took the mage, supporting him as he knelt down, "Dorian." He breathed softly, "I've got you."

"It's...it's really you, Bull?" The mage's voice was thin and weak, "What are you doing here?"

While he could feel Dorian's presence, the physical press of skin and weight was ghostly. "I'm here to help you. We're gonna get you out of here. Or something like that." He wasn't entirely sure.

Dorian pressed his face unfeelingly against The Bull's chest, "I'm scared..." he murmured weakly.

"Hey, scared is better than nothing." The Bull assured him, moving to gather the man up into his arms only to have the body shift like smoke, reforming where he was before. "What's wrong?"

"Not sure." Dorian breathed, "Stay... Stay with me, Bull."

The Bull shook his head, "Too many people will miss us on the outside."

This time Dorian scoffed softly, "Who would miss me? I'm the...evil Tevinter remember?"

 _Despair is easy to find. Self-loathing. Fear. These are things that claim us. He needs strength, Iron Bull._ Cole's voice was soft in The Bull's mind, but it still sent a shudder down his spine.

The darkness began to fade like watercolor eating away the black. The Bull and Dorian were no longer in the emptiness, but sitting in the room where their bodies lay. The mage blinked and flinched, but after a moment looked around hesitantly.

"More people than you'll know, Dorian." The Bull said, trying to take the change in stride when he felt a pulse from Cole to reassure him, "Cassandra and Cullen are trying to reverse the Rite as we speak. Solas is waiting for us. Thidran too. All of Skyhold misses you, and Vivienne's been bemoaning having nobody to talk fashion with."

Dorian was silent for a long while, then looked down at his own body with a sense of morbid fascination, "I don't...know what to do. I can't move."

"Cole's here to help you." He said quickly, a hand coming up to smooth through soft, dark hair that had no feeling beneath the pads of his fingers, "But he says you keep pulling away."

"Demon..." He breathed, "A demon was calling out to me." The scene changed again, this time with The Bull and Dorian sitting on the floor back in Daerwyn's Mouth. It was the room they had found Dorian in, the image of the struggling mage being held by two Red Templars while Lord Seeker Lucius chanted before them. The image of Dorian showed unseeing eyes while a dark green mist wrapped around his head. "It tried to claim me."

Suddenly the image showed Dorian letting out a snarl and a pulse of energy, throwing back the Templars and the demon trying to force its way in. He staggered and then summoned fire to his hands, but was tackled to the floor by another Red Templar. The Lord Seeker was yelling, but it was droned and unintelligible.

"You did good, babe..." The Bull said proudly, smiling down at his lover, "You did real good."

"But now the demon's back." Dorian whined, holding his head in a panic, "Calling out to me."

"That's not a demon, Dorian. That's Cole." He tried to soothe.

"No! It sounds the same!"

"Dorian, please..." The Bull wasn't sure how to calm the panicking mage, the brightness of his soul visible through his chest, but was dimming. "Do you trust me?"

 _Fear leads to doubt._ Cole supplied.

The scene changed, images of Dorian and The Bull together. The night The Bull held Dorian after Felix passed. He felt the mage's soul stir beside him, and a pulse of encouragement from Cole had the man feeling more physically present and solid. "I'll always be there for you," The Bull said, his eye turning down to the man beside him, "Whenever you need me, _want_ me."

Dorian shook his head, "Why. There's nothing about me that you can't find in someone, anyone else." He shook his head, "I couldn't even be a good son to my father, I never deserved anyone like you. I spent years shaming my family's name, living like a drunken whore."

 _Self-loathing. There are things people cannot accept about themselves without cause to do so._ Cole pressed on.

This time when the scene changed, The Bull actively focused on what he wanted Dorian to see. Their first kiss – the mage who was beautiful, confidant, and proud. The man that The Bull chased after, teased, and prodded. The scene shifted shortly after, to when The Bull returned from the Coast after the failed alliance. To Dorian who accepted him without question, drank with him, and tried to ease his pain.

"See?" Dorian huffed, "What's my answer to everything? Drinking and sex."

The Bull wanted to slap his lover, but took a deep breath instead, "There's nothing wrong with drinking or sex, Dorian." He rumbled softly, "You are someone who has always been confident and strong. It's something I admire about you. This... This isn't you. But I get you're scared. You're hurt. You've been hurting beneath the surface for a long time."

"But you saw me for what I was back then." The scene played on, to their argument and The Bull's cutting words, "You were right, you know."

"No. I was wrong. I was wrong about all the shit I said. I was angry, but I took it out on you." He reached down, smoothed a big hand over the mage's back, "And I spent months trying to make that up to you because I _wanted_ to make it up to you. Because you were special. Anyone and everyone else in my past, I could walk away from. But you... I've spent years doing things for what others needed. You've been the first person to return the favor."

Once more the mage felt more solid against him. Enough that The Bull was able to gather him up properly, hold him protectively.

 _Just a little more, Iron Bull._ Cole said, _His light is getting stronger._

The Bull consciously thought back and pulled up a memory that changed the scene once more. Dorian giving him the dragon's tooth, and the joy that The Bull felt. "You asked me once what it was we are. I don't think it needs a name or a label. I think you and I make each other stronger. I think you make those around you stronger. Enough so that everyone in Skyhold is worried about you, misses you."

The mage's weight felt real again, and though he looked exhausted, he was smiling again. His hand came up, however, and he frowned when he didn't feel the necklace resting against his own chest.

"You...you stopped wearing it. Said it was uncomfortable." The Bull said, "But it's still in our room, and once you come back with me, it'll be all yours again."

"How...could I have taken it off." Dorian said, his eyes showing pain and discontent.

The Bull shook his head, "You weren't yourself. You haven't been. That's why you need to come back."

"I don't know how." Was the response in a small voice.

"That's why Cole and I are here. Trust me, trust him, we'll get you home." He leaned down and pressed a kiss to his lover's head, felt a pair of arms wrap around his shoulders and cling tightly.

Cole appeared, the spirit bouncing softly. He pulsed with energy, the sound of ringing bells, and Dorian's form faded back down to his soul which finally seemed so much brighter than before. It rang back at Cole, pulsing in return, and the scene around them faded and returned to the endless black.

A green light flared beneath them, The Bull felt the sensation of dropping and panicked briefly. Dorian came to him, a soothing ring easing the sensation just before the green light consumed his vision.

He wasn't aware of hitting the ground, but when he opened his eye they were all standing in a craggy wasteland of what felt like despair and scented of demons. The sky above them was sickly green and undulated unpleasantly, reflecting into the black and green waters stagnating around them.

Solas was there, standing proudly with a smile, but The Bull was only aware of the sense of dread he felt. They were _in_ the Fade.

A glance to the side showed Cole and Dorian, the human with his eyes closed as the air swirled around him unnaturally.

"Relax, Iron Bull." Solas said gently, "Remember what I said."

But even with Solas' words, he felt the panic pushing against him on all sides. Shadows stirred along the rocks, reflections in the water stared up at him and he took a shaky breath.

Dorian's eyes opened and had a very soft green glow as he examined his lover before approaching. A hand came up and pressed to The Bull's chest, and the craggy wasteland melted away to a vast forest, and the sense of dread eased to nearly nothing. Peace and comfort swelled through him at the mage's touch, "I know it's unpleasant." Dorian murmured, "But thank you."

The Bull's hand came up and took Dorian's firmly, "How're you feeling?"

The smile he got was so familiar that it made his heart ache, "I _am_ feeling. Isn't that the point?" He asked, eyes turning up to the impossibly high canopies above them, "I can hear...the whispers. I can feel the spirits at peace."

Solas smiled from beside them, "You have a unique connection to the Fade. Most mages can't do that."

"You can." Came the ready response.

"I spent years to achieve what you can so naturally. Something to be proud of, surely." The elf nodded then, "Are you ready to return?"

Dorian smiled again, and it was enough that The Bull felt a wave of joy that he was very aware wasn't his. "Yes. I think Bull has had about enough Fade encounters for a while."

"This isn't about me." The Bull grumbled, but he did agree wholeheartedly.

"I feel... I _feel_ , Bull, and that's what's important." Yet as Dorian leaned up for them to share a kiss, the green of the forest began to dissipate and fade away. Not to the blackness, but to nothingness, emptiness.

He was very aware of being dropped back into his own body, jerking up with a grunt. A glance to either side revealed the Templar and Seeker watching him. Down beside him, Cole, Dorian, and Solas were still unconscious.

Very carefully, The Bull turned and reached out a gentle hand, pushing Dorian's hair up and away from his forehead. At first his heart broke anew when he saw the brand still etched into his skin, but the feeling ebbed as he saw the edges fading slowly, melting away back to flawless sun-kissed skin.

He leaned down happily and kissed the sleeping mage's lips.

Much the same as when he had received the Tranquil branding, Dorian remained asleep for two days. However his sleep was quiet and soft, and much to everyone's joy, the man's face would twitch with signs of emotion, signs of _dreams._ Solas confirmed after the first night that he could find Dorian's dream, though it was weak and tired. It didn't matter. It was something.

The Bull refused to leave the man's side, sitting beside Dorian whenever the healers weren't around to annoy him. He ran his fingers through the mage's hair, massaging the scalp, and reveling at the smile he got when he did so.

Finally, on the morning of the third day, Dorian's eyes opened and he stared up at the ceiling with confusion. The Bull reached out, took the man's hand and drew his attention, and received a bright smile.

"Amatus..." The first word from the mage's lips, spoken with tired adoration.

The Bull, however, had no words. He leaned down and claimed those smiling lips in a kiss that was returned for the first time in months. When they broke apart, he felt the need to ask, "Do you remember it?"

"All of it." The mage admitted, sadness now tinging his voice, "I'm so sorry-"

"It wasn't your fault." He swallowed, "What about when you were captured? Do you recall any of that?"

Dorian's brows furrowed slightly in thought, "Flashes. I recall a demon's whispers, but I managed to kill it. Nothing after that."

This just made The Bull smirk, "That's my Dorian." His hand came up to stroke through the man's hair, and a tanned hand came up to hold The Bull's larger one. "Don't take that shit from anyone."

"You fixed it – the Tranquility. That's...incredible. How did you do it?" And there was the curiosity and fascination The Bull had expected, but there was so much weariness in the man's eyes.

He shook his head, "Talk to Solas and Cassandra when you're feeling better. For now though, just...just focus on getting better. It's good to see that smile again, Kadan."

"I'm not the only one, Bull..." Dorian's looked concerned, "I heard a lot of Thidran and Solas' conversations. Is it true you were...lapsing?"

"I'll be alright now. Seeing you like that was driving me mad. I could touch and feel and see, but there was nothing beyond that. It was terrifying." He took Dorian's hand up and pressed a kiss to the back of his palm, "I was losing you, and didn't know what to do with myself."

Dorian's gaze turned firm, "If it ever happens again, you will tell me immediately." His voice held no room for argument, "You didn't go through all that trouble to fix me only for me to have to watch you..."

"I'm not worried about it anymore." The Bull cut in gently, silencing his lover's worry, "I was given a miracle, and I have something to believe in again."

Dorian smiled, and the world seemed so much brighter.

 


End file.
